The Blog
Fourteen years of writing and survey data. No shame, no fluff, just what actually helps.
Popular topics
SWM 166
Someone asked how to tell whether they have responsive desire or are asexual. Why asexuality in marriage is less something you discover than a posture you choose, what our survey says about responsive desire, and what to do if it’s…
SWM 165
A wife married twenty years asks whether a nude beach, explicit movies and a clothing-optional resort are okay if they aren’t lusting and aren’t sleeping with anyone else. Why that’s the wrong test, and three questions to decide with instead.
SWM 164
About one marriage in five has the husband as the lower-drive spouse. What 3,358 survey responses say about why, and whether he is hiding a porn habit.
SWM 163
A couple describes their latest fight. The dishwasher, bedtime, whether you deal with a problem the moment it comes up or sleep on it first. The details change, but both of them are frustrated and both are certain they are…
SWM 162
A wife posted her list of instant divorce triggers, and the top item was her husband finding God and joining a patriarchal religion. I understand why. Most of what gets called headship is a man reading two verses and deciding…
SWM 161
A husband writes: seventeen years married, sex twice a week, and his wife will not try anything beyond the basics. He says he does not know why she refuses. But she told him why, four times, and he heard it…
SWM 160
Social media says the mental load is a chore problem, and that if husbands just did their half, their exhausted wives would finally want them. But splitting the load in half does not lift it. Here is why the mental…
SWM 159
“I struggle with rejection, even when I haven’t actually been rejected.” If that lands for you, there’s a name for it: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and it’s closely tied to ADHD. Here’s what RSD is, how it quietly damages a marriage…
Let’s face it, the women won out in the sex toy department. If you look for toys for men, it’s a pretty slim selection, and half of them (like vibrating rings) are really for both. Women have multiple categories and…
In July and August we surveyed 1,058 married Christians on manual sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation, and solo masturbation. This is the full breakdown: who does what, how often, what couples actually use, where the silence is loudest, and what…
If you’ve spent any time on this site, you might start to wonder if anyone actually has a good sex life. Problem after problem. Struggle after struggle. Mismatched drives, painful sex, dead bedrooms, porn addiction, resentment. It’s enough to make…