I got this question a few months ago, through our anonymous Have A Question page:
my wife cant reach orgasm. However previously she used to get it. I feel very sad. She was dry previously. After checkup it was found no problem. She accidentally got pregnant. Used a drug prescribed by Gynecologist. After that it became prevalent. With regards help
Do wives lose their orgasms?
Turns out this is a fairly common issue. In our survey on Orgasm Difficulties, which you can still participate in, 10% of wives say they used to be able to orgasm and now can’t. Unsurprisingly 10% of husbands say the same about their wives. One tenth! That means for every 10 couples in your church, one of the wives is having sex but orgasms are eluding them, despite having been able to achieve orgasms previously. I’m not sure if that’s more or less frustrating than never having orgasmed (which is another 13%). Do you realize that almost one in four wives who are having trouble achieving orgasm on a regular basis? I don’t mean it’s difficult. I mean they aren’t able to.
We’ve experienced this in our marriage, particularly after our last child was born. My wife went from being super-orgasmic during pregnancy to anorgasmic immediately after. It took months to come back, and now, a year and a half later, it’s still quite a bit of work to get one.
So yes, people do lose their orgasms.
Most women get their orgasms back
The good news is that most of them get their orgasms back. Almost 20% of our respondents said that they used to be anorgasmic and now they can orgasm. So, there’s hope. What brings it back depends on a wide variety of things. The issue could be psychological, theological or physiological, and depending on what’s blocking your orgasm, it may take actually resolving something to get it back.
What can you do get your orgasm back?
In the case of pregnancy, at least in our case, it seems to be just time. As time progresses, it seems to be getting easier. On the other hand, if the medication is making it difficult to orgasm, you may need to find an alternative. Sometimes trying other brands can be effective. Check with your doctor.
For more information you, might want to check out our resource, Making it easier to orgasm: A guide for Christian Wives which I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback on. I can’t guarantee it will get your orgasm back for you, but it will make it easier to achieve.
My wife is in her 70. I don’t think she likes to work at getting an orgasm. She enjoys manual stimulation of her sensitive parts, but does not like me to give her oral. She giggles, squirms, and turns away when I try to get down there. ED presents problems with PIV, so no orgasm that way. Vibrators have been a no no for her yet. I think her not having an organism concerns me more than it does her. We super enjoy sex together two or three times a day. Maybe it is her age, maybe it is my technique, maybe it is communication, maybe it is trust, maybe she does not like to exert herself. I am not sure, but I am going to keep trying to help her get there.
This is always a tough one for us men to understand and accept. My research is consistent with what your wife may be feeling. Women do profess that an orgasm is not always necessary for them to feel sexually satisfied. I have yet to hear a woman say that an orgasm is not appreciated or desired, only that it is not always necessary. It is very possible that she is experiencing body chemistry problems that interfere with her orgasm, but not her finding pleasure and connection in the intimacy of sex.
In a healthy marriage, I believe spouses find fulfillment and pleasure in their partner’s sexual pleasure. For both sexes, this can mean observing and participating in the orgasm of that partner, and we do do both simultaneously. This can create a problem though. We have to be careful not to make their orgasm a marker of successful sexual intimacy, or worse, a near fetish for our completed sexual pleasure and quality of the shared experience.. When we do that, we put pressure on our mate to meet a physical standard they may not be capable of, even if only temporarily. In turn, They may begin to feel inadequate to meet your needs. We have to be cautious about what may be our need to be affirmed as an adequate and sexually proficient lover through their orgasmic experience. As a husband who bravely and openly admits to ED problems being problematic with PIV, imagine if your wife was defining her desirability and adequacy as a wife based on you not only being always erect enough for PIV, but that you also had an orgasm and ejaculated from PIV without fail? That kind of expectation and the pressure it creates could quickly cause a spouse to loose interest in sharing sex altogether. They could withdraw altogether from sex, from sex with their partner, or seek sexual pleasure and relief as only a solo experience. None of the above would be good for the relationship.
Try talking with her about her orgasm and what it means to you. She needs to understand what part her orgasm plays in your sexual fulfillment. THEN Listen to her explain to you her current relationship with her orgasm. Sex within marriage isn’t only about one partner or the other, it’s a shared experience and as such communication is a must, especially as the relationship matures and our emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, desires and capabilities change. I’m still behind you in years a bit, but can identify with the issues of aging. Get together with her and begin exploring options the two of you can implement under the current circumstances. We all need to do this no matter how much we dislike some of the changes that may be ahead. We just have to evaluate, adapt and overcome. I don’ care much for it either, Mike, but some good sex is desired over no sex.
Dan, I will have to read this over several times to glean all the good information here. Thankfully we enjoy each other immensely sexually. Your cautions are well noted, and I will watch myself carefully. And your are right, “some good sex is desired over no sex.”
At age 70+ a wife’s body produces hormones much more slowly than when she was younger. This often means that she may need several days, or even a week to build up enough hormones to orgasm. With you having sex so often your wife probably does not have time to replenish her hormone level enough to orgasm, so why should she bother?
If you love her more than yourself, try leaving several days between your lovemaking, increase the interval until you find the right timing for her. Keep to that and be thankful to her and to the Lord that you have a good sex life.
Thanks!! I will keep that in mind and try some different things!!