Right after my post on why some women find their legs shake after orgasm, I received this question:
I am a 50 year old women. This year I have started crying after having an orgasm. Nothing is wrong at all it’s like a physical response. My husband is supportive but doesn’t really understand. Is this normal/typical and if so why does this happen?
Let’s tackle the “why does this happen” first.
Why some people cry after sex
There are two main reasons I can find, or rather theories, since there is very little research on either.
The first is that you’re on such an emotional high that your body doesn’t know what to do, and so it cries to relieve the emotional tension. Sex produces a ton of hormones in our bodies, and honestly, science hasn’t really figured out what they all do. I mean, we know some, but we don’t know everything, and certainly not how they all interact with each other. And so, for some people (women more than man, but it happens in men to), sometimes, or all of the time, you might find yourself crying, even while you’re happy. It’s as if your body has just let go of a huge physical tension, and your mind wants to do the same with the emotional tension.
The second reason might be something called post-coital dysphoria, which can be translated for us non-psychology majors as “post sex sadness”. Many people feel a sort of depression kick in after sex. They just feel sad. This is likely again due to either all the hormone interactions, or it’s sort of the sadness after a high. Sex and orgasm is so good, that afterwards, life just seems blah. Now, this doesn’t seem the case for you, but I thought I’d add it incase someone else feels this.
Now, if you’re 50 years old, crying, or feeling like you have to cry after sex, could be related to menopause or pre-menopause because your hormones are all in flux already. I don’t know if it will continue, or stop, or what. As I said, there just isn’t enough research on the subject. However, you can look into something like macca root, which can be used to help rebalance hormones. I would say ask your doctor about it…but they aren’t likely to know about alternative medicine. So, you could visit your local health food store and see if they have knowledgeable staff.
Is it normal and/or typical to cry after sex?
Yeah, this is pretty common. I can’t tell you how many people have this occur, but it happens fairly regularly as far as I can tell. I haven’t been able to nail down any numbers to say what the actual occurrence is I’m afraid. But, don’t worry, you’re okay, it’s not unusual. I asked my wife, and she said that she’s felt like she was going to cry after sex occasionally before. Just tell your husband that your orgasm was so good, your body has to vent a little. It can’t contain all the emotions you’re feeling. Just ask him to hug you while you come down from it and you’ll be fine.
I hope that helps.
Never heard if this before very interesting
I’ve rarely cried after sex, but sometimes I get emotional about it. I suspect hormones have a lot to do with it.
I have cried during or after sex – usually when it’s especially good and emotionally-bonding. It’s weird in a way, because I almost never cry any other time. I am not an emotional person. But good sex will make me cry and it’s completely involuntary. After being alarmed at first, my husband now considers making me cry a sign that he did a good job. LOL
I’ve heard from readers saying they experience crying after sex. Thanks for answering the question!
I guess I thought this was fairly common, that most women experience that on occasion. I guess not then? I recently went to a baby shower for a friend where I did not know anyone else there but they all knew one another. The mom-to-be introduce me as her go-to-gal for awkward questions related to sex and pregnancy and expressed her thanks for meeting with me just before she got married to talk about sex. Out of all the things we talked about, the one thing she shared with the group was that she was so thankful I told her that it was normal to cry after sex sometimes–either because it was so bad or so good!
Similar to what Lindsay said above, for me it usually has to do with vulnerability. When the vulnerability levels are especially high for whatever reason, I cry afterward. I think it is a sense of being overwhelmed. To be “known” so intensely and yet loved anyway. Or sometimes I think it could be a sense of overwhelm from the “exposure” of that vulnerability too. My husband and I recently tried something new for the very first time and it went really well but I cried afterward because I felt so exposed and raw and vulnerable and I needed a lot of reassurance for a few minutes. Basically whenever sex is exceptionally raw, I cry. That’s usually a good thing, because it means I was vulnerable, which I struggle with. It’s scary to be so vulnerable, but so overwhelmingly amazing then to be known and loved in that vulnerability.
Well, congrats on your new thing 🙂
I cry because I feel lonely for that deep connection between me and my husband. I crave his lips to be on mine but although he is extremely giving in bed he is not big into kissing and it makes me crave it even more from him. I want him and only him forever and I get so scared to somehow lose him. I feel like time stops all around us when we are intimate even if it’s just a quick romp. But then time starts up again and I guess part of why I cry is because I don’t really want it to. I just want our moments together to last for days and days but we are such busy people that those moments are very few and far between. I often worry that my husband isn’t attracted to me so when that is the case during sex I try to lose that thought and just focus on the feelings but after sex it sometimes feels like the insecurities come back to me and I worry what he might have been thinking about my body or performance (although I know sex isn’t a preformance but you want to please your partner and present yourself in such a way that it turns your guy on) – so after a lot of self analyzing I believe those are the reasons I cry – also because in my daily life I am usually a pretty high-strung anxious type person even though I hide it really well and so when we get close I finally feel a small release of all that wound up tension so it feels like a flood of sadness and anxiety I have been keeping inside just kinda flushes out (in tears) – I only cry very quietly and try to not make it obvious to my husband, although I think he knows I cry but I wonder why he thinks I do it. He hasn’t asked, so I don’t talk about it but I do always make sure to reassure him after sex that I felt satisfied by saying “that felt soooo good baby” & if I feel little sighs or tiny moans as sort of after-shocks I allow myself to do that too lol – he really does make me feel very good but I just wish we were more romantic in our everyday lives like it makes me so sad the thought of never again getting to make out passionately and miss kissing deeply with passion. I want that soo bad from my husband but I just don’t think it will ever be like that, still, I am very happy with what we’ve got I just want it much more often and with even more connection and passion for each other