Vacation does not necessarily equal sex

It’s Thanksgiving this weekend here in Canada, that means hanging out with the family.  Yesterday we had a chance to go up north to cottage country and help my in-laws get ready for maple syrup season.  We spent two days cutting up trees, splitting and transporting wood.  Sounds like a lot of work, but, in truth, it was a lot of fun.  We all got turns driving the tractor around and using the log-splitter.

When we weren’t working, we got to spend time in nature, hanging out and eating campfire meals.  We also got to sleep in a little cabin in the woods.  Now, you might think: a cozy cabin in the forest, sounds romantic.

Not in this case.  

We had a simple, one room, 10×10′ structure that slept 7 people.  This is not a romantic arrangement.  I completely think you can often pull off sex during the holidays and vacations.  Not all holidays and time away from home give space to have sex though.  In our case, there were three kids above us in the loft, and two beside/below us in the trundle bed.  Plus, it went down to freezing one night, and the cabin isn’t insulated or heated.  That meant the toddler was often in our bed before too long.

Still, sometimes it’s hard to get over the idea that vacation = sex or holiday = sex.  I went into the weekend knowing that sex was not on the table.  Still, I have to admit, it was difficult not to be a little disappointed.  After all, it’s a little cabin in the woods on a cold night.  If there weren’t five extra bodies around, it would be the perfect time to warm each other up in creative ways.

How do you deal with a sexless vacation?

1. Talk about it.  Have a conversation about the sex situation/opportunities/lack of opportunity before you go.  That way both spouses are on the same page.
2. Have sex before you leave.  It doesn’t need to be immediately before, but within 24 hours is a good idea.  That way at least it doesn’t feel like it’s been so long.
3. Express your desire at appropriate times.  Just because you can’t have sex, doesn’t mean you can’t communicate your desire. Sometimes it helps to know that your spouse shares your frustration at the lack of sex.  Then you can stoke the arousal together for when you get home.  Just don’t start groping each other when family members are around.
4. Have sex soon after you come back.  The night you come back may not be ideal, but perhaps the next night?  In our case, we got back at about 11 pm.  We still had to get all our kids in bed (who were asleep in the van by then) and put the extra food into the fridge.  Plus, we came home to an 11 degree house (that’s about 52 F), and the trip had exhausted us.  On the way home I said to my wife “You’re not going to be up for sex when we get home are you?” because she couldn’t stop yawning and we were still an hour away.  Talking about it and knowing up front what the plan is helps a lot.

There are some tips for how to deal with a sexless vacation for any who might be having these coming up.