SWM 136 – AQ – Wife is mean to kids, another can’t decide if she loves him, and careful who you let teach

Jul 26, 2024 by Jay Dee in Podcast

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Today, we’ve got a short post. Frankly, we had a big emergency at work that kept me working long hours on multiple days. I was also sick, and my boss is going on leave for a month in August. We’ve been scrambling to close off projects so that I can step in as acting CTO of our family of three companies.

Given that we had a few questions come in in June, and they seemed pretty straightforward, it looked like a good time to answer them.

Now, that said, clearly, I answered these not under my best circumstances, so if you have differing opinions or even more thoughts to share, feel free to do so in the comments.

For those who don’t know, these questions come from our Anonymous Have A Question page. There’s no contact info, and there’s no way to ask follow-up questions unless they come back and read the post. So, what I’ve got is what I’ve got, and if you get frustrated by not having more context—well, it is what it is.

Now, on to the questions.

Question 1 – Wife thinks she has to be mean to our children

My wife feels like unless she is mean to our children they will take advantage of her kindness. This results in her calling them names and giving retribution punishments to them that invoke fear of her raw anger instead of correcting them in love. How do I be a protecting force for my children while balancing helping my wife grow up.

Family counselling.

Honestly, it’s likely that nothing you tell her will change this behaviour. It’s likely going to have to come from someone who is both a subject matter expert and also has the authority (and state requirement) to report her if they deem it is at a level of abuse needing them to be protected from her.

I mean, don’t threaten that, but I would invite her to family counselling, and then if she refuses, then I’d book an appointment myself and go with the kids.

Question 2 – Golden showers (again)

Topics Include:
Wife thinks she has to be mean to our children
Golden showers (again)
Wife can’t decide if she loves me or not
Just because you’re experienced, doesn’t mean you’re qualified

I saw you respond to a question about Golden showers before, saying the drive for humiliation would be sin. I agree with that. However, some people say there are other reasons they might want to do it as well, such as breaking a taboo or feeling physically closer to your partner via something coming from their body. Do those reasons (more specifically, the taboo one) make golden showers sinful?

No, I can’t think of a reason they would. I’m not sure what else to say about that. If you’re curious about the other post I have with a question about golden showers, it’s here.

Question 3 – Wife can’t decide if she loves me or not

Depending upon the day and her mood, my wife will say things like she is not sure she really loves me or speaks of regrets of missed past loves, but if she is in a good mood, she says she loves me says how amazing I am. It feels confusing for me I think marriage, love, and staying away from from divorce is a choice and a promise we made when we got married in the hard or easy times. Do we need help? Do I just push through the valleys and ignore the things she says?

It might be stress or mood swings due to hormones, or it could be an indicator of something more serious. I’m not qualified to diagnose what, and even if I was, certainly not with a small paragraph. I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist.

Question – Just because you’re experienced, doesn’t mean you’re qualified

We are both 80, having been married in 1965 (high school sweethearts). We continue to enjoy an active sex life, never less than adventurous. We\’d be interested in contributing to a post on sex and the elderly. We even had a wonderful threesome in our 70s.

It continues on from there, but that’s where they lost me. If you had a threesome in your 70s and consider that wonderful, then, no, certainly not. That’s not aligned with what I see in scripture at all.

And this is the ruler that we should use to measure those who seek to lead with – what example are they setting? That doesn’t mean they need to be perfect, God knows I am not, but like David being a man after God’s own heart, it does mean we need to repent of things that do not align with His will.

I don’t believe threesomes align with God’s will in marriage, so I will not give people like this an authoritative voice to teach those things in a space where I have the ability to protect those who might be deceived.

Now does that mean I don’t think they should have a voice anywhere? No. I believe in free speech – I think everyone should be able to say all the things, right or wrong, that they believe and then be challenged by others saying all the things, right or wrong, that they believe. The place to do that is in the comments below each blog post.

Now, I do have some limits and rules. If you’re simply rude, I see no reason to honour that. You can go be rude elsewhere if you like. If you’re going to be deceptive – same thing – find another venue. If you’re just going in circles and bringing nothing new forward, then I simply don’t have time for that.

But if you are respectful, engage in civil discourse, operate in good faith, and move the discussion forward, I’m more than willing to talk with someone who disagrees with me on every single point. As I write this, we are mid-conversation in our supporter forum about parenting styles. It’s pointed, we’re not pulling any punches, but I believe it’s respectful, and certainly entertaining – at least for me and the other primary members involved – others are willing to participate or not as they choose, but I love a good theology discussion.

And often, people will accuse me of deleting comments or editing them, and it’s true, in some instances, I do. But for the reasons above. Sometimes they disagree with my assessment of the situation, but, well, it’s my “house”, and I can choose what I allow to enter my “house”. It’s not that I’m trying to silence them – I just can’t be bothered if they can’t be respectful.

So, please, engage with the questions, if you disagree, I invite you to disagree. I welcome it. I don’t find disagreement disrespectful – so long as you are respectful in your discourse. I think one of the things the world needs more of is civil disagreements between opposing sides without resorting to disrespect, demonization and threats (or worse) of violence, sadly all of which I’ve witnessed from “Christians” – including pastors.

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And that’s it for today. If you have a question, feel free to ask it on our Have A Question page. If you’d like to tackle something a little harder and it can’t be solved by a simple question, consider booking a discovery call to see if coaching is right for you.