At the request of a few readers, I ran a survey a week and a bit ago asking people what their favorite positions were during sex. And I decided to hold out doing the analysis until we hit 500 respondents. That seemed to work, because we got them. 527 actually, not bad.
So, thank you for everyone who responded, for those who didn’t…shame on you 🙂 So, without further ado, let’s get on to the results.
Simple answers
As usually, we’ll just run through the simple answers first:
Gender
173 female respondents, 343 male and 11 who abstained for sharing, giving us a total of 527, though the 11 who abstained will of course need to be exclude for any data comparisons using gender.
How often do you currently have sex?
The average given was 2.0 times per week.
Are you happy with the quantity of sex in your marriage?
1% said they’d like to have less, 68% said they’d like to have more leaving only 31% who are happy with the quantity of sex.
Are you happy with the quality of sex in your marriage?
59% said yes leaving 41% saying no.
What is your favorite position for “regular” sex?
- 28% – “Standard” man on top (missionary position)
- 28% – “Standard” woman on top
- 9% – A man on top variant
- 6% – A rear entry variant
- 6% – A woman on top variant
- 25% – Rear entry (doggie style)
I was a little surprised by how high rear entry scored, I expected it to be well behind the others. Apparently I should have had a side by side (spooning, or facing) as that wasn’t represented in the options.
How often do you use this position during sex?
The average was 60% of the time. 3% never use their favorite position, and only 10% use their favorite every time.
What is your favorite position for receiving oral sex?
- 17% – 69 position (reciprocated)
- 3% – 69 position (unreciprocated)
- 3% – Kneeling with spouse under you
- 13% – On your back, spouse beside you leaning over
- 46% – On your back, spouse between your legs
- 8% – Sitting with your spouse kneeling/sitting between your legs
- 9% – Standing with spouse kneeling
I tried to think of all the possible variations, but being on your back with your spouse between your legs seems to be the winner.
How often do you use this position while receiving oral sex?
The average was 48% of the time. 19% never use their favorite, while again, only 10% use their favorite every time. Seems fewer people get what they want during oral sex than “regular” sex.
What is your favorite position for giving oral sex?
- 52% – Your spouse on their back, while you are between their legs
- 10% – Under your spouse while they kneel
- 13% – Spouse on their back, you beside them leaning over
- 7% – Kneeling/sitting while your spouse sits (in a chair, edge of the bed)
- 4% – Kneeling while your spouse stands 3.85%
- 1% – 69 position (unreciprocated)
- 13% – 69 position (reciprocated)
And again, the same position wins. I wonder if this is considered the “missionary position” of oral sex, and so it scores high because people don’t try other ones.
How often do you use this position while giving oral sex?
The average was 59% of the time. I guess the one who offers oral sex gets to pick the position more often. That makes sense. 11% never get to use their favorite but 15% get to use their favorite every time.
How do you generally transition between sexual positions and/or activities during sex?
- 30% – Discuss it (do you want to try/switch to …)
- 11% – I move how I want to be and my spouse follows
- 7% – I move my spouse where I want them to be
- 7% – I tell my spouse what to do
- 10% – My spouse tells me what to do
- 10% – We don’t change positions and/or activities
- 9% – Without conversation (we always do the same thing)
- 18% – Without conversation (we just know what we want to do)
The largest group discussed it, with the second largest just knowing what each other wants (mind readers apparently).
How many different positions do you use during a sex session?
The average was 2.5, but over 45% of couples use 2 positions during a sex session. 24% use 3 positions and 17% use 1. Only 6% use 5 or more positions in a session.
By Gender
So, let’s look at a few of these by gender.
Quantity & Quality
Our women readers are having far more sex than our male readers on average. Wives report 2.5 times per week with men reporting 1.7 times per week. As we’ve hypothesized in the past, this is likely due to the fact that we’re more likely to draw sex-positive and/or high-drive wives, and since wives tend to be the defacto gate-keepers of sex, this would account for that anomaly. But not all of our female readers are high-drive, because they’re also 4 times more likely to say they’d like less sex (though only 2% of women respondents answered that way).
While 76% of husbands would like to have more sex, 52% of wives would as well. I wonder how much overlap there is there. How many couples both want more sex, but just aren’t making it a priority, or their lives are too busy, or maybe they don’t even know their spouse wants more.
Among our female readers, 70% are happy with the quality of sex in their marriage. That’s pretty good considering historically women are harder to please during sex. By contrast, 54% of men are not happy with the quality of sex in their marriage.
Preferences during sex
We’re always told that women prefer woman on top positions because they get more control and it’s easier to climax and that men like man on top, because he can control the sex and orgasm easier. But, according to our data, this isn’t so.
35% of wives say they preferred the missionary position and only 22% said they preferred woman on top. Actually more women prefer a rear entry (doggy style) position (23%) than being on top. I wonder how much of this is due to being sensitive about how they look. After all, when the woman is on top, she’s pretty exposed. In rear-entry, all you can see is their back, something far less daunting.
Men, on other hand, on average, seem to prefer woman on top, possibly due to that same exposure which they get to enjoy, then rear-entry, and lastly man on top positions, and they get to enjoy these positions about 57% of the time, compared to the wives who get to enjoy theirs 64% of the time.
Preferences regarding oral sex positions
Men seems to be a lot less picky about how they get oral sex. On their back with their spouse between their legs is preferred by 35% of them, and 69 reciprocated being preferred by 20%. Women tend to be more united on this, with 73% preferring to be on their back with their spouse between their legs.
Husbands that prefer to receive oral sex on their back with their spouse leaning over them tend to receive it more often, 67%. Wives have about the same stat (68%), but have even more success if they prefer their husbands to be between their legs (75%). This is probably because 65% of husbands have a preference for giving oral sex to their wives from between their legs and wives seem to prefer being beside their spouse, leaning over them. Funny how that works out, isn’t it? Even when we’re “giving” oral sex, we still seem to stick to our own preferences instead of our spouse’s.
Communication about sexual positions
The largest group in either gender were those who discussed position changes (29% for men, 33% for women) with the second being those that just know what they want to do next (15% for men, 24% for women). After that it changes depending on the gender.
13% of husbands say they don’t change positions or activities during sex, they stick with what they started with, another 12% just move how they want to be, and their spouse follows. 10% tell their wife what to do next and 9% just physically move them how they want them to be. 8% just follow the same script, and only 5% take the lead from their wife.
19% of wives say their spouse tells them how to move while 10% feel they follow the same script every session. A further 10% move how they want and let their husband follow. Only 2% of the women in our survey say they don’t change positions. That’s quite different from what the husbands reported, but again, it could be due to the types of wives we get reading this blog. Less than 4% physically move their spouse or tell them where to move.
On average, the men say they use 2.3 positions per sexual encounter, and the women say 2.8.
Interesting correlations
Couples that only use one position per sex session seem to have less sex, a little over once a week, whereas those who use two have sex almost twice per week, and those that use three, four or five around the 2.5 times per week mark.
There also seems to be a correlation between communication and sexual frequency (I know, big surprise). Those that discuss position changes have sex 2.4 times per week on average. Compare that to those who always do the same thing (1.5 times per week), or those that don’t change their positions (0.9 times per week).
Also, it’s interesting to note that husbands who tell their wives how to move have sex 2.2 times per week, while those who wait to be told by their wife what to do have sex 1.4 times per week. I think there’s something about an assertive husband, at least in the bedroom, that appeals to a great many wives. That’s consistent with what I hear from them over emails and in comments as well.
With women there is a different dynamic at play. Those who move how they want and let their spouse follow have sex 3.6 times per week. I would be very curious to know if these wives consider themselves higher drive. I suspect they are as none of these said they wanted less sex, and a third of them actually wanted more.
Your Turn
Any questions you had that were left unanswered? Let me know.
Where can I find the sex die thats in the picture?
You can find them here on amazon, or a 12 sided version here.
Careful, links to Amazon are not always safe viewing…I can’t control what other products they recommend.
Do love that die. Wonder if they’re all the same?
Anyone know how to “load” a die?
I really would have liked a “don’t like any oral sex position” option….
In regards to knowing what to do, I don’t think people are mind readers, rather I just think you can learn your spouse’s likes and dislikes and patterns of doing things. It’s not purely knowing what to do, but rather following each others cues.
In regards to favourite positions, the truth is, both hubby and I prefer me on top. I like being able to control the motion (as it means we can achieve simultaneous orgasm at times), it also greatly increases my ability to orgasm from PIV sex rather than needing addition stimulation, we both like it as it frees up his hands, and he likes it as when he begins to orgasm he can relax into it and not have to do anything to complete it.
But in saying that, we actually rare do it this way because of my health unfortunately. Knee reconstructions means I can’t put weight on one knee, and it requires a lot more energy from me which a lot of the time I don’t have. But hubby insists, he enjoys him on top nearly as much so I don’t think my inability to do our favourite position most of the time plays much a part in his refusal sadly.
I also feel I should add that when it comes to positions, every relationship is unique. While hopefully as christians, most people have had few or no other partners, I know things were very different with my first spouse. While naturally most used positions and frequency and quality naturally differed, I found even MY favourite positions were different. It just goes to show that all relationships are unique and we need to work together with our spouse to find out what works for the relationship and not compare ourselves and our spouse to other people and other relationships
A “None” option would have been nice. I do like giving, but my Bride does not like receiving anymore.
There were some options that weren’t there, like you said there should have been some other options, rear entry can mean doggie style but not anal -which is something I’d never do. I think the reason many women don’t go for it as much is that there is very little interaction with it. I don’t mind it as I know when my husband wants it like that he has a deep yearning for just sex but for the most part he only likes it that way after we’ve had a long time of hugging and kissing and missionary is the best position for that, I like to see my husband’s face and to kiss him it’s also easier for us both and I get stimulation in a way you don’t get in doggy. Women on top is nice but if I’m honest I don’t like having to do “the work” lol!
My Bride’s favorite is doggy. She says she can’t understand why men like it, but it’s women’s favorite. I’ve always held your opinion, though. I think most women would prefer face-to-face. Even as a male, I find it is the most emotionally satisfying position.
Rear entry was always my favorite position. Not anal, never tried that. The deep penetration of the woman, the slapping of groin against derriere, the sight of a lovely womanly bottom always got my Detroit Diesel humming. Kissing the girl from behind too is erotic then you just hold her and roll over onto side while staying in her. Loved that a lot. Oh did I mention you can really hold her breasts from behind and underneath too.
I really find your breakdown of survey results intriguing. The statistical analysis is often enlightening! Keep up teh good work.
Rear entry is great because it means hubby can’t see my postpartum belly. I do not like woman on top, I’ve had 5 kids and I’m not as tight as I used to be , woman on top is not a tight position, and I’m way to self conscience to assert myself, especially in that position when all my fat is visible. But then again I don’t like man on top as it means I’m laying down and my boobs are way too saggy now and they roll off to the side and makes me look flat like I have no boobs. Pretty much it’s hard to have sex unless I’m hiding under a blanket!
Is that what your husband told you?
No he has not told me this. He tells me I’m sexy and he loves my boobs.
But he also hid a porn habit from me for most of our marriage(only telling me recently). When I asked him about modesty, what his preference is so I knew how to dress he says “I don’t know I just know I love looking at women’s bodies”, so I know he must be always checking out other women. Women who are slim and have big firm boobs. I feel fat and used. There’s no way I believe that he thinks I’m sexy.
Has he quit his porn habit yet? Please do not let *his* bad habits destroy *your* self image. The two are not really related.
My Bride’s ppb is always a favorite spot of mine when we make love. She doesn’t understand why, but most fathers probably will. And I also *love* watching women’s bodies, and the only one I watch is my Bride’s, so again, do not let *his* bad habits ruin *your* self image. You are one of God’s daughters. You cannot be ugly.
But the real question is, Are you going to change the way you currently look ? Are you going to be in the gym tomorrow ? are you going to follow a diet? or you’ll just let things go, and leave your poor husband wondering what a fit female body looks like ?
I’m sorry but that is not nice. You are just confirming that you are all about physical appearance. She has to love herself first before anything changes. My husband and I struggled with this issue as well. I’ve had 3 children, all by cesarean and a medical condition that makes it very difficult to lose weight. My husband has always loved my body no matter what shape it was. That’s the sign of unconditional love. I hope you change your attitude on that. The bible says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave His life for it.
I’m with Far Above Rubies on this one. I doubt your husband has said that to you. You could ask and know. I suspect he would tell you otherwise. Then the problem becomes you have to deal with the truth that the choice is yours alone and that’s a tough one. If you refuse to accept his truth, the ball lands squarely in your court. Rear entry should be great because it feels great and is what you want, not because it is a default position which hides your body from your husband.
Talk with your husband and be open to his truth about how he feels about your body and be ready to accept it. Your protestations my not be seen as modesty, but as denial and refusal and that is far more damaging to the relationship than what you perceive as the damaging toll taken by age, childbirth and weight. I realize if you do this, change will still be slow and hesitant, but you need to do this for you even more than for him. You are his divine creature and gift of God. Love is about that gift, not the wrappings containing it. You are his precious present. Let him enjoy you completely so you too can know complete joy. You CAN do this.
So he hasn’t called me fat directly. But the guy looks at other women and tells me he does it!! How can I believe him when he says I’m sexy after he does that?!! When watching tv he comments about the hot woman or how her nipples are showing. Put this all together with his secretive porn use, and it does not make me feel good about myself. It’s why I prefer positions where he can’t see my flab. Makes sex really hard to enjoy.
You have two things to deal with: your self esteem issues and his porn use.
The first and foremost thing to do is believe that your husband loves your body. He told you so, so you must believe him. My husband sat me down at the beginning of our marriage and told me how he felt about my body. He would not drop it until I saw his perspective. I was a size 18 or 20 at the time. Can you believe your husband loves your body just the way it is? All those love handles and curves are beautiful to him. Those very breasts help nourish his children. Those breasts are desirable to your husband. Trust me, I have a husband who spelled it out for me. My husband tells me I’m that million dollar babe because I make myself sexually available to him…whenever…wherever.
I have never dealt with porn but I know one thing, I would have him stop immediately! I would insist on him going cold turkey. Make sure your husband confides in a trusted friend to make himself accountable. It will be tough to have him quit looking at porn but it is not impossible. With God, all things are possible. Porn is a lie from the pit of hell. Those “hot” women pale compared to the woman he married, the one he can have sexual intimacy with. To a husband, sex is so much more than a physical release. Sexual intimacy is the way he connects with you emotionally. I know that’s probably hard to understand but this is a husband’s perspective.
My challenge for you is to initiate with the woman on top position for your husband. He has already told you that he loves your boobs. Can you imagine his excitement seeing you with those gorgeous boobs he adores. It’s all about availability (being available to your husband). You need to support your husband while he quits the porn habit. This is no time to be holier than thou. Have compassion for him. Be available to him sexually. I know it sounds like the opposite of what you should do but it will be more productive for your marriage. It will bring you guys to higher intimacy than refusing him sexually. My prayers are with you both.
FARABOVE speaketh the truth. Speaking from the perspective of an ex-porn addict, true forgiveness (which I know is incredibly hard for many) can also be incredibly powerful in helping your husband recover. Also speaking from an ex-addicts perspective, your husband must take extreme measures immediately to stop and change his habit and attitude. He must fully realize how much he is hurting you and the marriage. He owes you an apology. Hopefully he has done so. Hopefully you accepted it. Forgive him but hold him accountable. SHOW him you forgive him while you make it clear you expect him to show you a difference as well. When he removes this massive beam from his eye, what he will then see and feel on you will blow his mind. He does not really understand what he is missing. Neither do you. When he starts to realize this, he will start to hate porn for what it took from you both. The false intimacy it duped him with will be exposed as such and he’ll not want it again. Just remember you both have a part to play, they are just different parts – much like all other aspects of a good marriage.
@ Anonymous My heart aches for you as I have experienced some of what you describe. I echo Dan’s and FAR’s advice about talking to your husband and believing what he tells you about your body. AND he should also believe and validate your hurt and work to change his behavior.
I finally understood that my husband loves my body because it’s MY body and that means it is HIS body to love and care for. None of the women he notices or comments about mean anything to him. He has made admirable progress in his behavior, realizing he should view other women as human beings created in God’s image, not sex objects.
BTW, some of the best information I have heard about porn use and its effects came from yesterday’s podcast at delightyourmarriage.com. I encourage you and your husband to listen to Luke Gilkerson talk about this issue.
Anon – I’m sorry to hear that additional information that is complicating things. I still stand by my belief of him meaning it when he says your body is sexy and appealing to him, but certainly do see how his behavior exacerbates your self-esteem and body image issues.
You may be overly critical of your body or you may not be but I am going to let you own feeling “fat and used” and your opinion that you may be overweight and you may have to much ppb and that your breasts may not be, in the words of Bob Seeger, “…points all her own sitting way up high, way up firm and high.” All of that may or may not be true. What I am telling you is that he can still find your body sexy and desirable. Here’s the deal. If your body really isn’t as hot as those other women, then what he is really telling you is that you are sexy. You the person. And since you the person is sexy, to him so is your body. That is why I say believe him when he say that to him you are sexy.
I know no matter how true this may be, it still doesn’t ease the pain from his eyeballing other women, looking at porn and, worse, verbalizing his thoughts to you. That’s inexcusable and inconsiderate on his part. His behavior does not define you and your desirability
I know that this is an old post but let me share my view. Personally I am one of those guys that likes plus size women and I love my wife’s HUGE sagging boobs, massive butt, thick cellulite thighs and soft chubby belly. I love when she’s on the top position and I get to enjoy her body. Believe him. My wife does not like the way her belly looks but knows I do and doesn’t hide it from me and it makes a big difference and helps us have amazing intimacy. I get the visual satisfaction and she doesn’t worry about how she looks and she gets to be satisfied cause of it. And don’t hesitate to go and see a marriage counselor since there’s obviously self esteem issues and he has struggles too. You really deserve to have the best marriage the way God intended. God bless
I know, I forgot to take this one…sorry. I always like reading the results from the survey. I’m just trying to envision how anyone can switch positions without talking about it. When we try to do that, it just doesn’t go well. I’m not easily led…
Quote “I was a little surprised by how high rear entry scored, I expected it to be well behind the others. ”
Not trying to be ” that guy” but am i the only one that finds the turn of phrase a little punny ( you know … cuz its a pun and its funny )
Great post as always
Not the only one . . .Guess I’ve fallen behind on the comments.
I also don’t like the way missionary makes my boobs lie over to the side, but I love the safe and secure feeling in that position. Rear entry also bothers me, because my tummy and boobs hang in such an unattractive way. Even if my man can’t see it, it makes me feel very not-sexy. It distracts me. For those positions I like to wear certain sexy lingerie that holds in my tummy and boobs while also looking sexy on my back. Cowgirl makes me feel the most confident. Everything looks the best and it feels good too.
Regarding the change of position, we practice some of each option. Sometimes there are cues, sometimes we ask/tell, sometimes he moves me, sometimes I move and he follows. We seem to loosely follow one routine if sex is before going to sleep. And we deviate from that routine when sex happens at other times.
I used to be very insecure about the rear entry position, to the point of assuming my husband needed to imagine someone else and it was easier to do that if he didn’t have to look me in the eye. We cause unnecessary strife when we fill in the blanks instead of asking.
Some comments here have answered “why” certain positions are preferred. Might be interesting to cast a survey focusing on the “why’s.”
It could also be interesting to cast a survey to discover our favorite parts of the most recent session. Dr. Jessica McCleese in her June 4 interview on delightyourmarriage.com said research shows women are more likely to list foreplay or a certain part of foreplay as their favorite part. Also that women receive more oxytocin during foreplay than during orgasm, which explains why some are just fine without orgasm. Interesting stuff.
I can think back over 30+ years of marriage and remember certain moments that are on my list of favorite parts.
“We’re always told that women prefer woman on top positions because they get more control and it’s easier to climax and that men like man on top, because he can control the sex and orgasm easier. But, according to our data, this isn’t so.
…….. I wonder how much of this is due to being sensitive about how they look.”
I am one who does not like WOT. I’m not a big fan of the exposure but that’s not my reason for not liking it. It doesn’t work for me. I can’t orgasm that way. I am one who has to concentrate on sensations to orgasm. If I am actively doing something else, I can’t concentrate on what’s going on in my body, therefore I don’t get aroused nor orgasm. That is why I am also not a big fan of the 69. I do it for my husband’s sake, but I get no physical pleasure from it because my mind is on pleasing him rather then what’s pleasing to me.
I just wanted to share that so that maybe you could see another reason why some women don’t like that position.
I appreciate that, thank you.
I really don’t like sex so much, but whenever I have to I prefer rear entry it is the most comfortable for me but apparently my husband doesn’t like it. I’m trying to figure out how to express to him that this is the only way sex is tolerable for me.
We usually always talk before switching positions unless it’s an easy modification, such as her moving her legs a certain way (e.g., knees moved up near her head) or me doing some kind of adjustment. But if we’re going from, say, missionary to doggy style, then we always talk about it but just for a few seconds and it actually adds to the excitement. As far as favorite position(s), most of the time we do variations of missionary–probably 50% of the time. 25% of the time we do doggy style and the other 25% her on top. She loves to be on top, whether facing me or her back to me. I really like doggy style because I can get so deep into her and she likes to be….pounded hard (sorry for the graphicness but it’s the truth) and to stimulate herself during intercourse. Doggy style is perfect for all of that. But, she is not always comfortable in this position so we only do it if she’s OK with it. I am not 100% sure why she’s not always OK with doggy–maybe it’s that she’s an assertive woman and doggy just makes her feel unassertive. Not sure.