I was talking with someone the other day who was struggling with the idea that sex can be fun and silly and a laughable situation. I may be mistaken, but it seemed she never realized that it’s okay to laugh about and during sex. So, I thought I’d write a quick post looking at this, in case someone else has the same views and needs a wake-up call.
If you step back and think about it, sex is a pretty laughable thing. I mean, we sort of look silly doing it. The sounds can be kind of funny. Oh, and our facial expressions during orgasm…well, comedians have been making jokes about that ever since they were allowed to talk about sex on TV.
So, why is it that some people think sex needs to be a serious, activity?
I think it’s partially because of media. In TV shows, movies and books, sex is usually portrayed as this magical passionate, but really quite serious expression of love (or at least lust). The characters are so passionate, so focused on the act of sex, and it’s so choreographed, with the perfect lighting, the perfect location, the perfect sound track, that it becomes (and is in media) a serious performance more than anything else.
But in real life, sex isn’t like that. You need to be able to laugh during sex. How many of you have experienced any of these during sex:
- Had a kid walk in
- Had a dog or cat jump on the bed and start licking your face
- Fallen off the bed
- Broken the bed
- Had a ridiculous amount of lube come out of the container
- Gotten hair in your mouth
- Been whipped in the face by hair (accidentally, not in a sexy way)
- Been accidentally elbowed, slapped, kicked, etc., while changing positions
- Your attempt at dirty talk … well, it sort of went badly
- You have to stop sex to go pee
- Hitting your head
- Hitting the ceiling fan
- Gotten a leg cramp
- Had your leg fall asleep
- Burped or farted during sex
- Tried to do a sexily strip and got one foot stuck so you end up hoping around like a 3 year old trying to get their pants off
- Or tried to sexily undress your spouse and forgot to unbutton the neck, so the shirt gets stuck covering their head
All these things happen to couples all the time, and if you can’t laugh about it and continue on, well you’re going to have a lot of interrupted sex, and that’s not good for any one.
But sex is also kind of awkward and weird in general. Especially when you’re trying something new. For example, those who have ever tried bondage know that the first time you almost have to laugh. Let’s face it, you have no idea what you’re doing. Unless you were a boy scout, you don’t know the first thing about knots, and even if you did, they probably didn’t cover what the best knot to tie a write to a headboard is.
And then, once you get them all tied up, how many have just had the uncontrollable urge just to tickle them, because they can’t do anything about it?
Or the first time you try dirty talk in the bedroom. How many of you kept a straight face? It’s hard, because you feel silly and awkward and embarrassed trying something new.
Or you decided to try a bit of a slap on the ass during sex, and your spouse turns around and just looks at you with this incredulous “did you just spank me?!” look on their face.
Or your hands are covered in massage oil, and now you can’t get a grip on anything, including the door knob to go wash it off.
I’ve heard so many stories like this from couples, and unfortunately too many take them seriously. They get upset, or they’re overly embarrassed, or they’re fantasy of how something is going to go is shattered because the mood isn’t perfect, or just that their “sex is the ultimate expression of two souls merging and becoming one” is ruined when they failed to be the picture of unity and she accidentally head butted the bridge of his nose trying to go in for a kiss and he ends up with a nose bleed, so the choice is give up, or have sex with Kleenex in your nostrils, which he doesn’t see anything wrong with, but she’s the one who has to look at him…
Instead of laughing at the situation, adjusting if need be, and moving on, they just shut down, walk out, or roll over and go to sleep.
But it’s okay to laugh, it’s okay to be silly. It’s okay to wrestle and tickle and joke and laugh about sex with your spouse, because sometimes sex is awkward and embarrassing and silly, and laughing is the only way to deal with it, to heal and move on. Just make sure your spouse knows you aren’t making fun of them…because that’s no laughing matter.
So, go, enjoy sex, make it fun. Laugh when you try new things and they don’t work out, then just switch gears to something that does and maybe try it again another day. After all, if you can’t laugh with your spouse while your both naked and covered in sweat, lube, whipped cream and who knows what else, one on a broken bed with the other on the floor where they landed when it broke, who can you laugh with?
First time for the LOL button hahaha no pun intended. Thank you for this reality check. Somehow it got all twisted up, serious, and had to be this big sensual perfect production. Just let loose and have fun.
I love this! Laughter is so important! Sex is supposed to be FUN! When is the last time you had fun without laughter?
You forgot to add laughing at corny sex jokes and puns. We do that all the time. One of us will be flirting with the other and end up saying something silly or off-the-wall that makes us crack up. Or we’ll say something dirty and the other one will see a pun in it.
Most of the rest of your list of silly things have happened to us at one time or another too. We haven’t broken the bed, per se, but we did have plastic bed risers once that broke through and dropped the bottom of the bed down about 5 inches right in the middle of some hot passion. My husband just shrugged, smiled, and kept on going. I think he kinda liked the angle with me sliding down toward him. LOL
It’s just fun to be able to joke and laugh together and not take little slip-ups or wardrobe malfunctions or whatever too seriously. It can kinda break concentration if it happens at the wrong time, but you just laugh and go right back at it. We’re not performing for anyone. We’re just being together.
I was out of town for a week and when I got him we could not wait to get our 3 year old in bed. We thought he was asleep and went right to business. Then he yells out from his room, what is all that whumpa whumpa sound coming from I am trying to go to sleep. We busted out laughing and had to the sex on hold for an hour to make sure he was sound asleep this time.
Oh John, I totally get that. My husband is quiet as a mouse but I’m the one who wails with laughter. I might giggle loudly for minutes at a time. I dress up in the most fun outfits and dance with delight. I try to make my husband laugh.
One time, my husband was tickling me during one of our sessions. It was at that time that my precocious three year old hollered down the hallway in a very demanding voice saying, “Stop that laughing!” What is it with those 3 year olds?
It’s amazing how quickly, the very next day, we put a TV in our bedroom. We use the Weather Channel as white noise in the background. I can laugh all I want but never get reprimanded anymore.
Sex should be fun and hilarious sometimes, as long as it isn’t at the expense of your spouse, of course. I think it helps to be light-hearted the first time you try anything new. It makes it easier to be honest about what you like and what you don’t, after you try it and have a few laughs.
I’ve learned this is especially true with any role-playing scenario. The first few times you do it, it will feel silly.
Sex for married couples should be fun and open for all sorts of emotions, including FUN! Too often sexuality is reduced to mechanical experiences.
Thanks for the reminders – I could have checked off several from your list!
I don’t even like sex, but I get through it (and foreplay) to please my husband. I think that it is hilarious! His grunts, “sexy talk”, occasional challenges, and his dramatic climax has me secretly cracking up. And don’t get me started on his facial expressions, which is the reason why I have to close my eyes when his face is visible. But he has no sense of humor so I have to keep everything to myself. But I figure that I should be entitled to a good laugh for the inconvenience.
This is probably the saddest comment I’ve read this year. I’m curious as to why sex isn’t enjoyable. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he’d be interested in trying to make it better.
I just feel like this is a huge potential way to improve your marriage, because what’s going on now seems destructive.
Actually, there are quite a few people out there who don’t like sex, but you’ll probably only come across them on the anonymous web since people don’t want to admit it in person. It’s not anything that he’s doing wrong or badly. While people dislike sex for different reasons such as past sexual abuse, resentment for their mate, hormonal changes, medical conditions like diabetes or age hyperglycemia, or side effects of prescription medication, my case is completely different. I was one of those women who was a virgin and really thought that I would be all in for sex once I was married (blame it on my stupid imagination after listening to love songs and chick flicks). And once I got married it was okay for the first year, but then I realized that it is just another hassle in my day, one more thing that I need to make time for, prepare for, and clean up afterwards. I don’t resent my husband or withhold it from him since it isn’t his fault and that would be unfair since we are married, it’s just not my favorite part of the day. For me, I’m fine just cuddling. I don’t even crave sex anymore and haven’t in a years. When we do have sex, as far as I’m concerned the quicker the better. And finding it to be a silly act doesn’t help with getting me in the mood either.
I forgot to add that yes he knows that I haven’t been wanting sex for a while now. If course he wishes that I was but it’s one of those things that’s going to be how it’s going to be. But trust me, that doesn’t stop him at all. We just chalk it up to one of those things that one person is into and the mate has to push through to make them happy. We both have things that we like that the other dislikes so why can’t sex be one of them?
Our 6 year old walked into our room during sex. It was a huge shock and total turn off for both of us. Next morning I tried to find out what he remembered, luckily he did not even remember being awake ? We joke about it now, but at the moment we felt really bad.
And this also reminded me of a joke – wife comes to husband and asks him in a seductive voice to whisper dirty thing in her ear. So he says “kitchen, bathroom…” We both love this and it is kind of an insider joke for us ?
My wife gets leg cramps and has farted and queefed on me lol. I talked dirty to get and she found it funny. I called her a sexy and hot BBW and that her thick body turned me on while grabbing her love handles and later she thought it was funny. For the most part though it’s sexy. I love her strips with the sexy lingerie. My birthday is coming up the next month and I can’t wait to see what my wife does!