Search Results for: survey

Going to bed naked survey results

Last week we wrote a post about going to bed naked, how it could improve your frequency of sex.  I’ll be honest, it was a hypothesis.  I had only a data-set of one marriage to go on (my own).  So, I thought I’d add a

Oral Sex Survey Results

Here are the final results of the oral sex survey I eluded to in my post Is it okay NOT to swallow. If you don’t want to read through all the stats, you can jump to my summary at the bottom. Total Respondents 136 (52

Reasons Not To Have Sex Survey Results

This was a simple little survey that I created, originally to answer a simple question:  do husbands and wife’s agree on whether or not the choice to not have sex on a given night is mutual.  This question was raised due to a comment on

SWM 139 – Why won’t my spouse do x – I would do it for them

Recently, I’ve noticed a question popping up all over the place. It’s come up in our supporter forum, coaching sessions, emails, comments in our latest survey, and more. This question points to a fundamental tension in many marriages – at the root of it is a self-centric desire. The desire for our spouse to serve our own needs and expectations. Whether it’s about sex or more subtle emotional needs, this recurring question often revolves around a common theme: a wish for partners to be more like ourselves.
For men, this question frequently focuses on sexual matters. Some men wonder why their spouses don’t engage in sex as often as they would like or why they don’t fulfill certain specific desires. On the other hand, when women voice similar concerns, the issues are often more nuanced. Many women express frustration with their partner’s inability to intuitively understand their needs without explicit communication.
And, of course, in some marriages, those dynamics are reversed.
Both scenarios boil down to a deeper, more universal issue: the tendency to project our own needs and expectations onto our spouses, often without fully considering their unique perspectives and experiences.
In this post, we’ll delve into why this tendency is problematic and how understanding our partner’s individual differences can relieve this frustration.

SWM 137 – Why we don’t spank our children

Last week, Gary Thomas posted an article on his substack on the topic of discipline vs. punishment—not taking a stance but rather offering it up as a controversial conversation starter. Reading it made me curious about something—does your view of hell change your parenting approach? After all, if God is our example, and you believe that hell is eternal punishment, does that then lend to a more heavy-handed approach to parenting versus someone who believes that hell is an act of mercy?

I posted that question in our forum, and it then led to a discussion on using physical punishment on children.  I spent a fair bit of time in the last week or two writing on that thread, and so I thought I’d repurpose it here for those who might be curious about how we raised our children.

We, Christina and I, don’t believe hell is eternal torture.  We don’t believe such a view is in keeping with the Bible.  We grew up in a denomination that taught it was, and it was one of the reasons we left because the doctrine couldn’t stand up to either biblical scrutiny or logic as we saw it.  If you want to know why and/or argue that stance, I fully welcome you to read the post What happens when you die?  That’s not the point of this post.

The point of this post is to share why we don’t spank our children, and now that my children are growing up into adults, what the outcome of such a choice has been.

SWM 135 – It’s good to try new things

Most kids, when growing up, enter a picky stage at some point.  Some when they’re toddlers, some when they’re young children, some when they become teenagers.  When our 3rd or 4th kid entered this phase, everyone knew the response when they didn’t want to eat something new that we’d made.  “It’s good to try new things.”  They didn’t have to eat it all but had to try it—a decent try, not a touch to the tongue followed by an exaggerated exclamation of disgust.

Teaching children to at least give something new a fair shot, I think, has applications later on in life as well. I often talk to husbands and wives whose spouses simply will not try anything new in the bedroom. One will bring up an idea, and it’s immediately shot down by the “picky” spouse—the one who is perfectly happy with the flavour of vanilla every night.

Today, I want to talk about why I think it’s good to try new things – not only when it comes to food, but also in the bedroom – or outside of the bedroom, depending on how much privacy you have.  We’re going to talk about the interplay between dopamine, controlled risk-taking, adventure and trust in marriages as it pertains to sex and more.

SWM 134 – AQ – Piercings, how not to start a fight, nude photos, nude beaches and more

Answering Anonymous Questions about Married Sex

Topics include:
How often should a healthy man need sex?
Clitoral piercing
How do we start talking about sex without fighting?
Is it good to masturbate to stay in a sexless marriage?
Professional nude photos with a male photographer
Newly married wife only interested in the same sexual routine
Becoming a Christian didn’t fix my same-sex attraction
Nude beaches
How to get better at rejection
Struggling with orgasm

SWM 120 – How you may be making your birth control methods ineffective

A few years ago, I was talking to a client during a coaching call, and we got off on a bit of a tangent about condom use. I explained a few ways that people tend to lower the protection of condoms when they use them. He was, well, shocked because he’d done many of them and had no idea that every time he did that, he was increasing the chance of conception.

And so, I’ve had this post idea on the back burner for quite a while until last week, when I mentioned in response to an anonymous question that if you don’t want kids, you shouldn’t have sex because even condoms and birth control are not perfectly effective when used correctly – and most people don’t know they’re not using them correctly.

When I posted that, one of our supporters asked if I could write that post, so here we go, because, well, my supporters do so much for me, I’m happy to help them out.

In this post, I’m only talking about the birth control effects, not the effect this could have on STDs/STIs. I’m also not going to address every birth control method, just the three I hear about the most. I’m also not going to be discussing natural family planning, but that is, at best, a delay method, not a method of birth control.

So, here are things you may be doing to mess up your birth control plans.