Two days ago, I received this question from our Have A Question page:
Hi Jay Dee, my question is how to tell if my hubby has had an orgasm is it the same as him ejaculating and if not what is the difference? Thank you for your support in our marriage.
Good question, and one that I don’t think we’ve tackled yet. Yes, orgasm and ejaculation are separate things, though in men they tend to occur simultaneously, which causes some confusion.
Here’s how it sort of breaks down:
Orgasm is a physiological response, which includes a great many things such as increase heart rate, repeated muscle contractions and release, and the release of various hormones.
Ejaculation is simply the expulsion of seminal fluid.
So, what typically happens is that the man has an orgasm, and the repeated muscle contractions and release cause ejaculation. However, it is possible to separate these events. Some claim it’s possible for all men to learn, others don’t believe so. I don’t know what to believe. I myself have not learned to separate the two events, but then, I haven’t tried either.
But, for example, a young man (or boy) can have an orgasm, but not be developed enough to have seminal fluid to expel, and so it would be a “dry orgasm” as it’s termed.
By contrast, you can have nocturnal emissions which is an ejaculation event, and can be without the orgasm. As well, there are techniques, which I have no personal experience with, where you can milk the prostate of a man to get him to ejaculate, again, potentially without orgasm.
So, how do you tell? If seminal fluid is coming out, he’s ejaculating. If his muscles contract and there’s a big release, he’s probably having an orgasm. Chances are, these two events are happening at the same time.
I hope that helps!
Thank you for answering my question it really makes a difference.
Thanks for asking it! And for commenting! I so rarely get to hear from the people who ask these questions. It’s nice to know that the person asking saw the answer.
Recently my wife was reading some kind of sex book as we looked to improve the sex side of our marriage. She came across what is termed, by us, a lube job… basically a hand job with lubrication. Trying this technique out was the first time I have been able to orgasm (and multiple orgasms) without ejaculation. Almost like there was a threshold where you could be given pleasure to orgasm but not enough pleasure or friction to create an ejaculation. Combining the two is still the ‘best’ experience but having one or more orgasms before the ‘big one’ is also good!
I don’t know why anybody would want to separate them.
LD M-It seems as you age a few decades, they sometimes will separate themselves. Like D was saying, you almost get there but don’t. For me, it’s not like it’s a conscious choice as with Tantric sex either. You may have a disappointingly mild orgasm with no ejaculation which then takes you immediately into resolution from which your only choice is to wait until later. That’s my experience anyway. I apologize to those for whom even a mild orgasm would be reason to rejoice if my remarks seem insensitive.