I’m guessing that this is the most controversial survey we have done to date. What makes me say that? Well, first off, we had the lowest number of respondents in a long time. Secondly…people told us that it was. In fact, one of the comments we received in the survey was this:
My gut reaction to this is … really? Is such a discussion/survey helpful? I mean what is the benefit to the body of Christ in talking about this? Sure, as Christians we need to address the sex. But every single intimate descriptive lurid detail?? Are we just becoming online virtual Christian voyeurs? My guess is the only reason you see such “on the edge” topics like this is the porn men watch.
It’s a valid question, and I’m glad it was asked, and I’m glad I have the opportunity to answer it.
Why have a survey on female ejaculation?
First off, we’d been asked to do it, by some (a few actually) of our readers, independently of each other. So, apparently it’s a question on the minds of some in the Christian community. Secondly, there is a misconception out there that female ejaculation is a myth. I knew this misconception existed, but it was also explicitly stated in one of our comments:
In my Human Sexuality course in college it was suggested that female ejaculation was only myth. I’m curious to see the results of this study!
So, colleges can’t seem to agree on whether or not this is a real phenomenon among women. So, is this a myth, or isn’t it? Think about it. Let’s say we continue teaching that it’s a myth, it doesn’t happen, it can’t happen, and anyone who says they’ve experienced it is lying to you (I don’t believe that, but let’s say it for a moment). What about all the women who DO experience it? What are they to think? Well, I can tell you what some of them think. This is another one of the comments from the survey:
Thank you for addressing this topic. For many years I’ve thought I was a strange duck and have not heard many people discuss this rather than to say they believe it is a myth (at which point I chose to sit quietly and listen)…..
And so, I think topics like this are just as valid, just as important than any other we’ve run, because there are Christian women experiencing this, and they need to know that it’s not weird, it’s not wrong, and they’re perfectly okay to continue enjoying it, assuming they enjoy it, or avoiding it, if they don’t enjoy it.
So, what is female ejaculation?
This could be a whole post in and of itself, but I’m going to try to be very brief so we can get on to the data. In short, female ejaculation (aka ‘squirting’, aka ‘gushing’) is a release of fluid through the para-urethral ducts. It can happen during orgasm, prior to orgasm, or not in combination to orgasm. It’s not urine (there have been many tests to confirm this), but research debates on where the fluid comes from. The best answer I can find is the Skene’s glands (not the bladder), which is analogous to the prostate in males (from my understanding), and both prostate fluid and this fluid from this Skene’s glad share the same markers.
No one really knows it’s purpose either. One hypothesis is to reduce urinary tract infections.
How do you get a female to ejaculate?
Quite a few actually asked this, and it’s a good question, and where can a Christian go to get the answer? Not too many places, so I’m going to do my best to give one.
Going through all the comments, I can tell you, everyone seems to have their own method. Some wives seem to have this happen at every sexual encounter, others have had it happen once and never again. Some only through sex, some through oral sex, some through manual sex.
Here’s what I know based on the physiology. In short, the urethral sponge, which is a layer of sponge like tissue surrounding the urethra, needs to be engorged. It seems the best way to do this is to stimulate the g-spot (which some women may or may not have, verdict is still not out on that one), however some women reach this level of engorgement (arousal) with little stimulation, and some never reach that level, regardless of what stimulation is happening.
So, if you were going to try, and haven’t been successful yet, this would be my best guess (written from the husband’s perspective):
- Get your wife VERY aroused
- If she’s a “more than one orgasm in a session” woman, then ensure she’s already had one orgasm
- Have lie on her stomach, sit in between her legs
- Insert two fingers (palm down) find her G-spot (should be a 2-3 inches in and have a slightly different texture), and…rub isn’t the right word…anchor and pull towards you is more like it. Some say “come hither” motion, but that’s easier to visualize your wife on her back. Your wife will need to tell you what pressure/speed/how long of a “pull” is good for her.
- Keep your wife aroused using your other hand (or a vibrator) on her clitoris
- Basically keep this up until she’s going insane with pleasure. You need time for that sponge to become engorged. I can’t tell you how long that will take. It could be 20 minutes or more (how strong are your forearm muscles?). It could be seconds.
I hope those directions are clear enough. Keep in mind, it may not work, for a vast variety of reasons. It may not work the first time, or the second. It may never work. Who knows. This is only my best guess based on research, personal experience, a basic understanding of the involved anatomy and the survey comments. But, I hope it helps someone.
So, with that out of the way, let’s get on to the survey results.
Survey Results
Single Question Answers
I’m not going to bother with the age, marriage length, etc. questions, because it’s the same distribution as the other surveys, though I may use them for correlations later.
Have you (for women) or your wife (for men) ever experienced female ejaculation?
- I don’t know – 13%%
- No – 51%
- Yes – 37%
37%! Granted, this is probably high for the general population. Usual population skewing in play (those who have experienced female ejaculation are more likely to fill out a survey about female ejaculation)
How often would you say this happens in your sexual encounters?
- Never – 7%
- 10% of the time – 15%
- 20% of the time – 18%
- 30% of the time – 18%
- 40% of the time – 4%
- 50% of the time – 9%
- 60% of the time – 3%
- 70% of the time – 6%
- 80% of the time – 4%
- 90% of the time – 9%
- Every time – 6%
So, it’s far more likely for this to be a “once in a while” thing than an “every night” event.
How does it affect the sexual experience?
- Less enjoyable – 4%
- More enjoyable – 78%
- Neither – 18%
So, for the most part, people think this makes sex better.
For those that have never experienced female ejaculation (themselves or their wife), their feelings on “missing out” are:
- I’m jealous of those that can – 30%
- I’m worried I’m not doing something right – 13%
- It doesn’t bother me – 39%
It doesn’t add up to 100%, because people could pick multiple answers.
Answer comparisons
So, let’s take a look at some answers in comparison. First off, it’s usually interesting to see how different genders report these answers separately.
Have you, or your wife, ever experienced female ejaculation?
12% of men said “I don’t know”, 61% of men said “No”, and 27% of men said “Yes” while
13% of women said “I don’t know”, 38% of women said “No”, and 49% of women said “Yes”.
…wait…so…are women experiencing this and their husbands aren’t aware? I mean, nearly half of female respondents said they’ve experienced this but less than a third of the men claim their wife has.
How does it affect the sexual experience?
Turns out men really like this. 88% said that it makes it more enjoyable. Only 12% said it doesn’t make a different. None said it makes the experience less enjoyable.
Women, on the other hand, are a little less enthusiastic, but only a little. 7% said that it makes sex less enjoyable (one comment said she goes from 10 to zero, that she hates it and will avoid it if at all possible). 12% of wives said it made no difference. But the majority (71%) said it make sex more enjoyable still.
What about those who haven’t experienced female ejaculation. How does it make them feel?
Well, the men seem to be the jealous ones. 44% said that they feel jealous of others who can, while only 12% of wives felt the same way.
And 15% of the men and 10% of the women are worried they are doing something wrong.
Half the women (48%) don’t care that they can’t, but only a third (34%) of them men say they don’t care.
Random Stats
Let’s check out some random correlations.
- Submissive (in the bedroom) females have sex, on average, 2.7 times per week, compared to dominant (in the bedroom) wives having sex, on average, 1.7 times per week.
- Dominant men have sex 2.1 times per week, while submissive men have sex 0.7 times per week.
Keep in mind the skew in our readership. The women who are interested in reading blogs about sex tend to be more sex positive, and thus have more sex, being as women are the default gatekeepers of sex in our society.
- That said, 80% of the dominant females seem to experience female ejaculation, while only 40% of submissive wives do. This could be an anomaly due to too small of a data set though as there are only 4 women who responded as being dominant and having experienced female ejaculation.
- No marriages where the wife leads the household report experiencing female ejaculation. I’m sure this is just a coincidence…on the other hand, they are having sex less that half as often as husband led marriages, and less than egalitarian marriages as well, so that might play into it.
- There is a slight negative correlation between frequency of sex and frequency of female ejaculation within those sexual encounters. This correlates with some of our comments. It seems that the more often you have sex, the less likely you are to experience female ejaculation.
Happens more often after periods without sex.
Is there a correlation between frequency of sex and ability for the wife to ejaculate? Perhaps a small one. Those wives who can ejaculate, report (or their husbands do) a sexual frequency of 2.6 times per week. Those who can’t, or haven’t yet, say 2.2 times per week. Not a vast difference. But here’s the interesting part. Those who said they didn’t know are only reporting sex 1.6 times per week. It seems more sex may lead to more awareness of what goes on during sex.
Your Turn
Thank you to all 184 of you who contributed bravely to the survey responses. Your data is invaluable when answering questions like this. While I’m hugely in favor of monogamy (good idea God!), one drawback is that we have a limited base of experience when helping others with questions about sex. Surveys like this help to expand our knowledge base so we can serve better. Do you have any further questions? Any comparisons you’d like to see that we didn’t make? You can ask in the comments below (you can be anonymous if you’d like), or you can email us at [email protected] or you can ask a question on our Have A Question page.
I would like to see a survey on male multiple orgasms in one ‘session’ for lack of a better word.
I’ll add that to the list
I’ve experienced this a few times, but only when my first orgasm was interrupted before completion. So I’d count it as a “partial” orgasm, a short refractory period (without loss of erection), and then a complete orgasm. Usually the final orgasm came easily but wasn’t particularly strong. This isn’t something I try for.
I’ve never had more than one orgasm in a session without having to take at least a 15-20 minute break and even that is rare. My wife generally wants to go clean up right after I go cause she’s worried about it oozing back out and making a mess (we never use condums), do the potential for a round 2 is very rare.
No, I don’t think we’ve ever had a round two (well, she has very rarely). It’s just not part of our dynamic it seems.
Once I had a nice lovemaking session where I finished. About 15 minutes later I was surprised to find myself “needy” again. My wife was willing, but I wasn’t as sensitive and couldn’t finish inside. However, with some manual stimulation I managed to. This was an odd experience, especially since I’m middle aged, and hadn’t experienced that before.
I’ve heard that if you orgasm by G spot, you urinate. Could this be the ” gushing “. I dont know if the couple know it’s actually urine or not.
Thanks
I would have a hard time believing that one. However, I know there have been many tests to confirm that it is not urine when women “gush”.
The objections you quoted at the beginning sounds all to familiar to me. I’ve heard that countless times from my wife of 23 years this month. Sadly, that part of her anatomy is “off limits” for my fingers so I wouldn’t even know what to look/feel for. Apparently, according to her, God only designed one object to be inserted into that area and one object alone. I’ve thought about mentioning 1 Cor 7:4 — the wife’s body is not her’s but the husband’s. But that wouldn’t go over well. So this is just another experience I will be on the sidelines for.
I am commenting on the first highlighted paragraph. Could anyone truly be so uptight about sex within marriage?
“My gut reaction to this is…really.” I really believe that she thinks everything comes from porn. My husband never watched porn. He lead a very isolated life and he’s much older (married me before internet existed). And yet, we experienced this exact thing (gushing). Now keep in mind there is no porn on our radar. I truly did not know what happened the first time it happened. My husband just thought I got really, really excited. It’s happened since and doesn’t matter what position, it just happens.
Did you know God designed marriages for sex? It’s the only relationship where you can experience sex. It’s very clear in the scriptures. God also designed our bodies to produce pleasure. In fact, that is the only function of the clitoris (for pleasure). God thought this out and he had good things for a married couple to enjoy. He thought of it first. If you are telling your husband no with a bunch of justifications as to why not, you are sinning. Ouch, sorry but it’s true. You’re to give of yourself freely to your husband, and him to you. Roommates are for the college years. Marriage is exclusively for sex. He can’t have sex with anybody else. Be generous with your spouse. Let your marriage be a reflection of Christ and the church.
“What is the benefit to the body of Christ in talking about this?” Okay, I for one, would have liked to have known what happened, when this happened to me for the first time. This is exactly why we have a Christian blog site called “Sex within Marriage”. Keep up the good work Jay.
“Sure, as Christians we need to address the sex”…the sex? Is it so offensive that you have to address sexual intimacy that way?
“Lurid detail”…this speaks volumes as to where you stand. Lurid means: gruesome, horrible, and revolting. I would not describe anything that God designed for marriage to be anything lurid. It should be beautiful and intimate between husband and wife with joy.
“On the edge topics” I truly feel sorry for your uptight boundaries. I will pray for your husband. I read about husbands that have wives who are refusing or gatekeeping. It’s true, the man in your life will never leave you. He has too much Godly character to do that. Don’t think for a minute that the idea has not crossed his mind plenty of times. He loves his kids too much to leave them. I would rather be generous. It’s a win-win.
That first highlighted paragraph makes me feel so sad. It sadly shows an unhealthy attitude about sex within marriage. If a wife truly responded that way, then I challenge her to ask her husband how happy he is with either frequency or variety or both. Ask for the honest truth from him. Just like the anonymous husband’s response, his wife of 23 years could have typed those words. Does he sound happy? Anonymous husband, I will be praying for you, brother. I pray that your wife will open up to you sexually with joy.
I’m afraid we have quite a few Christians with this attitude. Unfortunately, in battling sexual immorality, we have gone too far and have now, in Christian culture’s collective mind, turned sex itself into an immoral act.
This is how the Satan fights, he lets us think we are winning, them pushes so we overbalance and sin on the other side. We must constantly strive to live on that knife edge that is the narrow path, and we can only do so with constant studying of the Word and prayerful lives.
That’s why we are seeking to increase communication about sex in Christianity, so that these misconceptions can be addressed. If they stay in the shadows, they will continue to be taught and never challenged.
Jay, that is so true! It is a straight and narrow path, but when it comes to the marriage bed, both spouses should jump into it with kindness, generously giving and receiving, openness to closeness, variety, and frequency that supplies the higher drive spouse, because it’s good for both of you. Sex really is for both of you. This lines up with scriptures.
If you are that spouse that could’ve written that first highlighted paragraph, today is the day to address your sin (yes, it is sin). It’s okay and it’s never too late to repent. Your husband’s happiness, and quite frankly, yours too, depends on a change in your attitude about sexual intimacy in the marriage bed. Maybe you’ve limited the frequency of sex. Maybe you’ve limited what you are willing to do with your spouse because you think God would not approve (or worse, you think it’s perverted). Today is a new day. This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. You can make small steps toward a more Godly marriage. It must start today. The rewards are waiting for you. Keep reading Christian marriage blogs for encouragement.
I’m sorry about going out on a tangent here but it’s that important. I really hope that the unhealthy attitudes are called out for what they are…unhealthy. I always look to scriptures for guidance. What if a newlywed comes on here and does not realize how much poison is in that attitude? Would we hear from her unhappy husband in another decade or two because of stinkin’ thinkin’? I hope that doesn’t happen.
I appreciate backing up everything with scriptures, like you do, Jay. It really is the ultimate authority.
No argument here. And I agree, always back with scripture.
Don’t give up hope. I’ve seen marriages turn around in this regard after 30 years.
If I can ask, how do you get your wife “warmed up” if you don’t use your fingers or tongue? I suspect that if you get her hot enough and don’t proceed to sexual intercourse she’ll get eager for penetration and let you use your fingers.
Alternatively, is she playful at all? A rule-follower? Maybe try something like Sexy Jenga and just encourage her to follow the rules 🙂 Using something like a game to “break context” is a common way to help people overcome all sorts of barriers (not just sexual). For example, games are frequently used for corporate team-building exercises because people will talk and work together to complete the game and “follow the rules” even if they’re usually shy or withdrawn.
Marital sex, the final frontier. These are the postings of the blog Sex Within Marriage. Its mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new truths and new variations, to boldly go where no Christian blog has gone before.
“Is such a discussion/survey helpful? I mean what is the benefit to the body of Christ in talking about this?” If you are a wife who is wondering if she is somehow abnormal, physically impaired or cursed you would likely want to know more about this. Of course, she can always ask her pastor about it or ask his wife if she does same. Not likely, huh? At least this is an option that avoids that one. That sudden rush of wind you hear is the pastor and his wife breathing a simultaneous joint sigh of relief.
Oh I’m sure some blog has touched on this. We have some brave writers in the Christian blogging community. But thanks all the same. Love the Star Trek reference.
I really enjoyed this survey. I grew up in the late 60′s and early 70′s. My mother’s idea of the sex talk was, don’t have it, if you do, use protection and if you come home pregnant, I’m going to kill that boy and you are having an abortion. So, no mention of any kind of intimacy or gushing. Needless to say, I enjoy talking about sex, especially with my husband. We married young, and talking about this was either going to make or break us, so to say. While we had our ups and downs, nothing was ever off limits. I’m always sad to see so many negative comments in a Christian bedroom. I think we were given brains to think and mouths to talk. Why can’t we discuss this type? I always tell my kids, everything in moderation. So, if someone doesn’t enjoy talking about gushing, oral sex, or hand holding, why not just move on and talk about something they do enjoy. I have never commented this much on any of the surveys, but the comments I read just struck me as odd.
Thanks Terri,
I think that was a great many peoples’ sex education from there parents. Sadly, the lack of education may be better than the misinformation they are teaching today. Sex education now is pushing the LGBT lifestyle at younger and younger ages, and we’re seeing a push for shares washrooms and change rooms in elementary schools and above.
I for one am very happy and relieved to have found your website, and my husband is enjoying it as well. It is refreshing (and healthy!)to be able to ask questions and look into topics most Christians are too embarrassed to admit to thinking about, or were taught not to think about, especially in a forum that removes awkwardness and embarrassment by giving the readers anonymity. I wrote the ‘strange duck’ comment and am truly relieved this survey was done. I am also a very high drive wife, and have felt unable to discuss this, once again being the strange duck others couldn’t relate to, relating more to men’s views on drive/desire/frequency issues, and having been told in my first marriage I was abnormal. This by an abusive, unfaithful husband…at any rate, I am very happy to find others like me and to be stretched in areas I have unknowingly taken on a ‘don’t go there’ way of thinking passed down by society. I especially like the fact Scripture, not opinion, is the basis for topics.
Keep on asking, sharing, and blogging!
Hi Lori,
Thank you for that comment, it was perfect for explaining why we should discuss these things.
Amen, from a fellow strange duck.
Very interesting results. And while I’m not usually a big fan of leaving links to my posts in comments, I (fellow Christian sex blogger) also wrote about this topic. I don’t think it’s off limits, and I agree with your conclusions that this phenomenon is real. If you’re interested, here’s my article: Female Ejaculation: Is It Real?.
Thanks J. You are more than welcome to link to your posts.
Great attitude Jay Dee. You have the heart of a true teacher. It’s about the edification not the ego. I often use links in my posts and comments to share knowledge that is not my own. It sometimes is better written or will mention something I overlooked or was unaware of. If it happens those readers find that writing more compelling, interesting, entertaining or easier to understand than mine then they belong there anyway. My ego will survive the initial disappointment.
I didn’t take this survey, because I don’t think I was reading the blog at the time. I think it is an interesting survey to put out there. I have no clue about female ejaculation, but if it is something a woman wants to try for, then go for it. I think any husband would willingly support his wife if she wanted to try. Certainly, I wouldn’t stress myself out about it though. As long as a woman is feeling the release she needs during sex, good for her. 🙂
Hey everyone, Married 20+ years and me and hubby recently (last couple years) learned how to do accomphish this. It took us over 60+ hours (estimate maybe more) of trial and error and learning curve. I had to overcome both physical and emotional issues.
I will offer a words of encouragement; If both husband and wife agree to try: patience and emotional readiness are the two key factors. Plus, wife must absolutely trust and feel safe with her husband. Husband must be very patient and encouraging and never put pressure to perform.
Just kept trying. ’till one day it happens.
It’s taken our sexual intimacy to a whole new emotional and physical level, I never knew. It’s like a switch was turned on that was never there before. I can now do what he does, and he’s amazed. God created this part of a woman for a reason, and it’s good. Depending on the time of a woman’s cycle and hormones, it can taste and smell either very strong or sweet. I recommend wife stay well hydrated. There is so much more I could write. But space and time limited. IT’s not a myth and it’s not urine.
Thanks for sharing this topic. Blessings Ya’ll!
Thanks for sharing your experiences!
This is a great article. Does anyone think it’s possible for a woman to “gush” without feeling an orgasm?
About a year ago we put several hours into helping to experience female ejaculation. At one point she didn’t ejaculate but she said the felt a different type of orgasm (not as strong).
I “gave her a break” from trying to pursue it. It seemed like I was pushing her I think.
Then a month or so ago she had a “normal” orgasm and then a few minutes later she was on top. After she moved from being on top she “gushed” big time but she didn’t feel any type of orgasm. It was as if being on top opened some type of physical flood gate.
She was sure it was urine but I was sure it wasn’t and praised the whole thing.
A week later we had the exact same experience – she gushed big time after being on top but no physical feelings of orgasm whatsoever.
Any thoughts?
Yes, the two are not required to be concurrent. They can be completely separate events. Just as they can for a man (though often they go together).
Thank you Jay Dee.
Very interesting
I believe pretty much any woman under 90 can squirt, it seems like a very new thing for most women : ( I would discourage SHE HAS GOT TO SQUIRT for me method.
It is unlikely to do with your husband ‘sexual skill’ this is an typical overused phrase which I have no idea what it means. it is usually to do with how dominant you are naturally or how dominant your husband is comfortable in you being without feeling emasculated. Which makes little sense to me personally as you rarely get a husband saying ughhhh my wife is so dominant I hate it!!??