This survey was actually sent to me by a reader. We’ve talked about porn in the past, but not much about erotic literature. So, he was curious about the prevalence of erotic literature reading in Christian marriages. I tweaked it a bit (with his permission), and so here’s the survey. Of course, given the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie, we had to ask a few questions regarding that as well.
So, regardless of your stance, history or experience with erotic literature, we’d appreciate it if you filled out the survey below so we can get an accurate representation of marriages.
my wife reads a lot of these books and i have read some of that in an attempt to understand what she is reading and maybe why but I have not been able to get to the why part. When i try to bring it up she refuses to talk about it or any aspect of our marriage. I’m really at a crossroads it seems. I have improved my faith over the last year and it has been a thing of comfort for me but I still struggle with where our relationship is and how to improve it. I realize that God does have us suffer at times for the greater good but that can be hard to deal with at times. Also it comes to mind that God has brought us together as a couple to be married and he would not bring us together to break us apart would he? I don’t think so from what I read about divorce in the Bible, but some times I do wonder. I know I can’t give up and I don’t want to give up. Thankfully my daily bible study provides some encouraging messages that are rather timely but i am human.
thank you so much for this blog as it is a valuable resource and I enjoy the comments as I learn I’m not alone.
Have you thought about reading these books together? I told my wife my reservations about her reading 50 shades of gray when I can get out because she has a normally read these kind of romance novels that are sex-based and I just said that I think that these books provide unrealistic expectations for what women should be doing and having during sex and unrealistic expectations of what men are. I knew that she really wanted to read the book and I did not want to deny her of that so then I said what about reading it together we took turns reading the book to each other and I must admit it was one of the best few months I’ve had with her of connecting in the sex that we had was truly phenomenal. It elevated it to a whole Nother level and actually opened her up specially to things that she might not of considered before and things that I had wanted to do so it ended up being a win-win for us both as we now continue to have these types of things or encounters after we read the book and I’m kind of hoping that we can actually find another book to read together so once I actually got into the reading part I realized that my insecurities about her reading the book were kind of pointless. I see a lot of stuff on this page in a kind of boggles my mind sometimes like I understand that men are supposed to look at porn but I think that women are much to bothered by this and have way too low of self-esteem about men that do. Just because guys masturbate does not mean that we don’t think that women are beautiful by any means it’s just sometimes men want to release when the women don’t want to give it and not every marriage is perfect enough to where women understand that were men understand that they should save themselves out of respect for their wife. By the way I’m not saying that watching porn is okay for a marriage but I think personally that outside of physically bringing somebody else into your relationship if you and your spouse you’re okay with something that is regarding sex then it’s okay.
Well, erotica is included in the term pornography…so, yeah, that’s exactly what you’re saying.
I’ll respond more in depth to this in my next post.
Good post at a great time in our conflicted history.
We have noticed a vast difference between what women find erotic and what men find erotic.
Men want more graphic details and women the gently touches on their senses.
Both genders can get very aroused with “their type” but it is interesting to coach couples and find out that they have heated discussions over the “what’s and why’s” for this literature.
Looking forward to seeing your results!
I used to not be a fan of my wife reading books like this. But we read 50 states of great together honestly, and I thoroughly enjoyed having her read me that type of literature was highly arousing and sparked quite the sexual encounters for the next couple months or so. Which have now just become regular. It expanded my wife’s thinking and actually got her to initiate things or try things she would not have before. She learned to loosen up and be willing to give the unknown a chance. I enjoyed reading 50SOG together and am very much looking forward to finding a new book to enjoy together. I think porn and literature is apples to oranges. One has a face and one doesn’t.
I’m going to assume you meant 50 Shades of Grey.
I understand how you can think it’s a good thing, but I think you’re being deceived. Check out my post tomorrow for more info.