We have a rule in our house. You don’t say “yuck” about food. We created this rule for our children, because with five of them, invariably one of them isn’t interested in what we made for supper. You put the food down, and they push it way and say “yuck”. Why did we make this rule? Because it’s insulting to the one who prepared it. Either my wife, or I, spent time choosing a meal and cooking it, and “yuck” is the rudest thing you could say. You’re saying that all the effort was wasted, that you don’t appreciate the time and thought that was put into it. It’s rejection, not only of the food but of the cook as well.
Yet, I know many people do this every day with God. Sorry women, but your gender, in particular, tends to be bad at this. How many times have you stood in front of a mirror and said something to the effect of “yuck” or “gross” or “ugh” or thought “I hate my body”? Men, have you seen your wife do this?
“I hate my body” = You hate God’s creation
Body image issues play a huge role in physical intimacy, and far too many women look at themselves and say “yuck”. The problem is that it not only negatively affects them, but their relationship with their husband. It also affects their relationship with God. Looking at your body and saying “gross” is basically telling God “I don’t appreciate the work you put into this. I don’t like this body you gave me. You made a mistake.”
God created us, looked down and said, “This is very good.” He created bodies that are not only aesthetically pleasing but also an engineering marvel. We still can’t even approach replicating His work with science, as smart as we think we are.
You don’t hate your body, you hate what’s been done to it
Now, because we’re fallen humans, we tend to make a mess of the things God has created. I see my children do this with food as well. Especially when they learn about salt. They think everything needs salt and a lot of it. Sometimes they put too much and they ruin the food. Then, when they say “yuck” it’s a little understandable. But when they push it away and say “I don’t like this supper”, then they’re misdirecting their frustration. It’s not that the supper is bad. It means they’ve mishandled it.
We do the same thing to our bodies. We look in the mirror and say “yuck, I don’t like this body”. The body isn’t the issue. That’s a part of us. That’s who we are, and it’s that which God knit together in the womb. Instead, we should look in the mirror and say “Wow, I’ve mishandled this body.” and then ask God to help us be better stewards of it.
For some of us, we haven’t done anything wrong. Sometimes it’s due to sickness, injury or even malice. In those cases it’s still the same. It’s not the body that’s the issue. God’s creation was good. It’s humans’ stewardship that’s sinful, whether of our own bodies, or of others.
The next time you look in the mirror and think “yuck”, remember “Don’t say yuck about food.” Thank God for your miraculous body, and then promise to take as good a care of it as you can.
I don’t hate my body. I hate what this disease-ridden fallen world has done to the body God gave me. I exercise and eat right to keep my figure (with the help of genetics), but what I hate most is my skin condition. No matter what I have done to heal it, it stubbornly remains. It limits what I can wear. It hurts. It is visually very unattractive., Unlike scars that have a strong story of survival behind them, my skin condition is just gross.
I understand your skin conditions somewhat. I have had psoriasis since I was 17, and no matter what I do it affects many parts of my body, even my joints with arthritis. I take meds which have side effects. It is a never ending battle to keep my body functioning correctly. I was mad at God for many years for giving me this condition. I even prayed three times like Paul with all Faith that I would be healed. It did not happen. Yet with the wisdom of doctors, modern medicine, and keeping disciplined I am able to be almost symptom free. But, I am amazed every day at the amazing body that God created for me.
This post really inspired me! I’ve never made the comparison between saying Yuck about food and how I do that to my own body. I’ve always believed it’s incredibly rude to comment negatively on the food in front of you (or in front of a friend) but I think I do that with my body! What I’ve never thought of before is the fact that I’m not a very good steward of my body at all. You really made me think!
I’m glad to have inspired you 🙂 Thanks for letting me know!
This is so complex for women. We husbands love our wives dearly and their bodies create desire within us as they should. That desire can lead to sex which can lead to joy between the husband and wife. When a wife demeans her body, she robs some of that joy from both of them and contests her husband’s opinion of her. Wives, this behavior saddens us. As a mother, how would you feel if when you told your daughter how pretty she looked she constantly challenged you with denial and vigorously fought for her self-imposed limitations? Would it not sadden your heart? Wouldn’t you rather she accepted the compliment with grace toward herself and share in the joy of your opinion of her and not rob you both. You are boldly and perfectly made. Grammatically, there is a marked difference between being perfectly made and being made perfect. Only one being was and ever will be made both, and you aren’t Him; but, you are His and you were perfectly made for a purpose. Don’t find you self arguing with God for limitations of the flesh, figuratively and literally, He did not impose upon you. Take joy in your perfection for the purpose of your creation and share in that joy with your husband. It will bring about a marked change in your relationship with your husband and how you feel about yourself. Maybe your daughter will notice and her life will change too.
I wrote a Marriage Moment similar to this titled “Temple Maintenance” If we take the body is a temple metaphor as true, then our body – like all buildings – needs to be maintained. Your use of the word “steward” is spot on; this is what God gave us, and it is our duty to treat it well. Having watched my dad die this year 100% due to his NOT taking care of himself, the point was really driven home for me.
Some men battle with this too. I have been trying to change my perspective of my body since pregnancy has taken a toll, but my husband sometimes looks at that as justification for him body shaming himself. We live in a society that puts pressure on all of us to look like fitness models and in his mind I get a pass because I carried children. I still wish I knew how to strengthen my body, but I am learning to appreciate it just how it is. The ironic thing is, I think my husband looks great just the way he is. No he’s not super ripped but he has a great build and I love his body. I wish more men spoke about self image from a man’s perspective.
Angela, as a man I never had a strong feeling towards my body. I noticed that when I turned 16 and began to drive rather than bike more often, I began to add a bit of a spare tire. This didn’t distress me as I was still active and felt in shape but every now and then I was slightly embarrassed. I was married in 1998 and my wife gave me three special children. There were a few years right around the kids birth that I was more sedentary than I should have been and I gained some sympathy weight with my wife (ok so it was really the sedentary aspect of my life and not eating as healthy as I could). More recently I began to get more active. While I was still carrying around extra weight in the middle, I began to play tennis and gradually increased the amount to 5 days a week and about 6 or 7 hours a week. I also began fencing with long swords for at least 2 hours a week. I have always tried to park a distance from where I need to go so that I can get extra steps in. Last week I was feeling about as healthy as I have in many years.
Quick back story before I continue, my wife and I have argued over the frequency of sex for about 10 years, We compromised on a specific day each week which is achieved on that day about 80% of the time and have recently compromised on trying to add one spontaneous extra day a week.
Back to the story, Last week, as I was feeling like I had been making a good effort to get healthier but hadn’t been loosing the weight very quickly, we argued about feelings of connection (as many of these posts state, I feel connected through sex, not the only way, but it definitely does it) and we were discussing things we could do to connect more and things that we thought might be issues (both positive and negative) my wife mentioned that she thought I was overweight. She said that it did not turn her off but that she would love it if I had a flatter stomach. She had never brought up the issue before and it crushed me as she had never complimented me on all my efforts either.
I have been maintaining my weight while feeling stronger and more fit but this made me think of a diet and even surgery to try and change my outward appearance. I know this is an awful state to be in. Chasing outward appearance is the devils work, while chasing health is Gods. I am struggling with trying to come to terms with this in my head. My wife and I hashed it out a few days ago again and she apologized for even mentioning it but that is like trying to get pandoras gifts back into her box. We have counseling at the end of the month and I hope I can regain trust in myself and our relationship.
My take away is that, often, mens self image is built around how trusted people around them see them and not so much on being self critical, while women can be much more self critical. Both instances stem from our culture and society and the images and thoughts they instill in us about ideals. Men, on average, just listen to less of the white noise than women, but when the chatter gets close enough it doesn’t matter what sex you are, we can be affected the same. The problem in this line of thinking is that if you believe you need to fit a physical ideal, you often believe that others need to meet that same ideal. This can erode trust and connection.
My wife and I are working on these issues and I pray that we can resolve them. I will continue to work on staying active and fit but am afraid, now, that it might not be enough for my wife (she says that is not the case).
I hope that is what you were looking for as a mans perspective.