Marriage & Life Coaching

Do you feel like your marriage isn’t what it’s supposed to be?

Or maybe you worry that this is just the way marriage is.  

I get it.  

When I got married, people told me over and over again “marriage is hard work”, but you know what no one ever told me – how to do the work.

For years we fought almost every time we spoke.  Our marriage was technically sexless for years, and even when it wasn’t, it was a constant struggle.

We were both starved for intimacy and connection.  But we didn’t know how to talk about it, and we didn’t know how to dig ourselves out of the dynamic we found ourselves in.

We also didn’t know how to talk to anyone else to get the help we needed.

Maybe you feel the same way.  You might feel trapped, or like you got tricked.  Maybe you feel like your spouse will never change and there isn’t much hope.  You may even feel like you married the wrong person.

Or maybe, you worry that you’re the wrong person.  Maybe you deal with a lot of guilt, worrying about whether or not you are the problem with your marriage.

Whatever your situation, I believe it can be better.

Your marriage can be an oasis instead of another battlefield

I want you to experience at least a taste of what God intended marriage to be like.  It’s never going to be perfect – a marriage is a union of two imperfect people – but it can be really good.  

Your marriage should be relaxing, not something that adds more stress to your life.  You should feel a connection with your spouse that makes you feel loved, cherished and yes, maybe even desired.

We managed to turn our marriage around.  It took us years, because we did it on our own without any help.  It was slow, and painful with a lot of missteps. When we finally got to a point where we were happy, I realized I didn’t want anyone else to have to take the route we did.  That’s ultimately why I started Uncovering Intimacy and got trained in how to be a coach – so I can help you not wander in the same wilderness we did looking for that oasis.

It will still take some time, particularly if you’ve been working the same dynamic for a while – and it’s going to take some effort.  After all, anything worth doing takes work. It might even require you to change and grow – but that’s also a good thing.

Because, you know what, they were right – marriage takes work – but the difference now is that you have a coach to help you find out what work needs to be done, and how to work smart, rather than hard.

And we still continue to work on our marriage, and as a result, it keeps getting better and better.  These days, we truly have an amazing relationship, and I want that for you too.

That all sounds great, but how?

Together, we’ll clarify what’s going on in your marriage, find out exactly what it is that you want from it, and then build a plan to work towards that goal.

We’re going to have coaching sessions, over the phone, to dig into what’s going on, to pull the information out, to get clarity on your dynamic, and what needs to change.

Together we’ll agree on action steps for you to take to get you just one step closer.  The work for you to do between calls, so that there’s always something that can be done, you’re not just waiting for the next conversation.

When applicable, I will hand-pick blog posts, podcasts and resources for you that I think will help you grow, so that you don’t have to search through the hundreds of posts on the site – consider me your index to the entire library of articles, podcasts, surveys, resources, etc..  Of course, if you want to binge read/listen to everything, I’m perfectly fine with that.

I’ve even been known to write posts, record podcasts and even create resources just because a coaching client needed one and it didn’t exist.

You’ll also have access to our coaching portal.  You can use it to:

• Track your progress on new habits that you’re trying to develop
• Check off items from your homework
• Journal topics you were assigned to think about
• Message me whenever you could use some extra support

Because while the phone calls will be powerful and you’ll learn a lot, the real coaching is in the time between the calls – when theory becomes application.  It’s that day to day work that’s going to improve your life – not the knowledge. The information just helps you plan what work you’re going to do.

Between the calls, I’ll be there to encourage you when you do the homework, ask what’s going on when you don’t, and helping to adjust plans as life invariably gets in the way.

If you invest in a continuing coaching subscription, or a package, you’ll also gain access to our supporter’s forum for as long as your subscription remains active or until the package runs out.  This will open up a community of believers who are all working on their marriages. This will give you a safe space to share about your struggles and successes and to see how other couples work on their relationship.

In short, I will do everything in my power to provide you with information, skills, tips, tricks, accountability and a community to make sure that you continue to invest in your marriage, to do that elusive work, and make it a little easier too.

What if my spouse won’t participate?

The simple truth is, if your spouse participates, then you’ll experience more substantial improvements and faster.  I won’t sugarcoat it – tackling the relationship from both sides is by far the most effective way to do it.

However you can still do a lot just from your side – after all, that’s half the marriage.  For some clients, they choose to work on their marriage as a solo individual, and they see improvements in the relationship, because marriage is holistic and you do influence your spouse just by changing your own behaviours.

For others, they choose to work on themselves as an individual so that they can have a happier, more productive life, despite their marriage.  

Whatever your reason, working on yourself often also has the side effect of improving the marriage as well, because when you are happier, the marriage suffers less stress.  Your spouse will likely notice the difference, like what’s happening, and might decide they want to experience coaching themselves.

After all, who doesn’t want to be happier and more productive?

How long is this going to take?

To change your marriage or life into the one you want?  That depends on the people involved, whether that’s you as an individual, or both of you as a couple.  It depends both on how far your current dynamic is from where you want to be, as well as how willing you are to put in the effort.

I’ve seen couples in sexless marriages for decades change their relationship around based on a single question because they hit the ground running and were willing to do whatever it took to make it better.  

My wife and I did not talk about sex for 25 years. We each thought the other did not want to engage sexually when we both did. For some reason I was so fearful to talk to my wife about sex. I guess I thought the situation could get worse. We had not had sex for decades, so I don’t know how it could get any worse, but that was my thinking at the time. I was encouraged by Jay to tell my wife that I missed having sex with her. It was like a dam broke. My wife wanted sex too, but thought I did not. Now we engage sexually almost every day, and we can talk about anything, especially sex.

Thank you Jay Dee. I can’t thank you enough for your help in this area of our lives.

Mike, age 71

I’ve also seen couples who get really excited after the first coaching call, and then fail to do the homework and don’t move their marriage forward at all.

For most people, in about three months, they see serious improvements in their life, so much so that they’re almost unrecognizable from the clients I started to work with regarding their happiness.  

Some choose to continue with coaching, because now that they’ve seen how much their life can change, they have a new goal of what they’d like.  Others need a bit longer to achieve their goals, or they choose to shift their focus because it turns out that they needed to work on some foundational components of their life before tackling what they thought was most pressing.

And some choose to take a break from coaching and simply enjoy their new normal knowing that they can always come back for a refresher, if an obstacle comes up, or when they’re ready to reach the next level.

What does it cost?

We’re going to start with some short assessments to help us all get a bit of information about your marriage, what you’re looking for out of coaching, and to see if coaching is right for you.

After that, we’ll have a short 20-minute discovery call where we’ll dig into some of the specifics about what you’re looking for, to see if coaching is the right fit for you.

Provided you want to continue, you have a few options:

If you’re not feeling too sure about this coaching thing and prefer to simply take it one call at a time, the per-session rate is $100.

We’ve found the most productive choice for our clients is to commit to a set time-frame during which they’ll focus on making improvements.

With each plan, you get:

• A weekly call (up to 60 minutes)
• Email support any time
• Access to the coaching platform with:
  1. Session Notes
  2. Action plan we discussed
  3. Metrics we’re tracking
  4. Anything else related to the coaching
• Access to the support forum (not available for the single session)

What if it’s not working for me?

If you’ve signed up for a coaching package and after a month of showing up for the calls (not just physically, but mentally), doing the homework, working the plan, and still aren’t seeing any improvement or hope of improvement in your life, then I’m happy to refund your money in full.

Ultimately, I’m more interested in your marriage than your money, and I’d much rather you use those funds to find someone who can help you.

What happens when I’m done with a 1, 3 or 6-month coaching package?

If you’ve opted for the 1-month package, you should be starting to see improvements in your marriage, though you’re likely just getting underway. At this point, you can choose to continue, upgrade to a longer package, or stop. The choice is yours.

If you’ve opted for the 3 or 6 month package, you will have seen noticeable improvements in your marriage.  Likely some really substantial ones. At this point you may decide you want to take a breather and enjoy the fruits of your labour.

Alternatively, you may decide to keep the momentum going by tackling the next “it would be great if” vision for your marriage.

Or, if your marriage took a little longer to move, you may need some more time to finish up what we’re working on.  

Whatever the situation, you have four options:

1. End the coaching for now – with the ability to pick it back up any time.
2. Purchase another coaching package and keep pushing forward towards the next goal
3. Move to a weekly plan at a rate ($70 / week) to finish up what you’re working on.
4. Move to more of a self-directed coaching model. If you like you can keep your access to the coaching portal, email support and our supporters forum so you can continue to track your habits and work on your plan yourself for a cost of $40 / month. At this point, we’re considering active coaching to be done. I won’t be initiating any coaching activities, such as weekly calls, checking in on your progress, touching base when you miss a check-in or anything like that. You’re flying solo at this point. But I’m still available to offer insight if you need it over email.

My wife and I found Jay Dee’s podcast in 2019. We thought we had a solid marriage until the cracks were revealed by my use of pornography and mood swings that were made worse working as a nurse in a pandemic. After a few years of struggling we decided to book an appointment with JD. He was a great resource in talking us through traumas and helping us understand ourselves and each other. We’ve made major changes in our relationship that have only helped to improve our communication, intimacy and my pornography compulsion. JD was a life raft for our floundering ship. We had been married for 12 years with 2 young children at the time and had no idea how strained our marriage had actually gotten. My wife and I highly recommend JD and his Christian-centered coaching services. If we were to tell our younger selves one word of advise, it would be to invest in coaching early when the thought first comes to mind. It might seem like a high cost but it has an even higher yield of return. Thanks Jay Dee for your invaluable ministry!

Dan

How do I get started?

If you’re excited about turning your marriage around (it’s okay to be a little nervous too), then you can dive right in.

You can schedule your free Discovery Call and get started on your pre-call assessment immediately.

If you have questions, you can email me anytime at [email protected].  I’ll just answer all your questions, no hard sell.

Either way, I’m delighted for the opportunity to help you in your marriage, to make it the oasis you always hoped it would be.