A couple of days ago, I was asked this question through our anonymous Have A Question? page. This couple was considering adding alcohol to their bedroom activities, and asked what the pros and cons might be. Now, I should disclose and say that I’m one of those crazy fundamentalist Christians who think alcohol has no place in the Christian lifestyle, so my response is going to be a bit biased. I didn’t grow up with that belief, but I came to it through studying the Bible. I understand that the bulk of Christianity doesn’t agree. That said, I tried to look for pros, but all I could find were cons, and some pros that, at first, might look like a pro, but turn out to be a con. So, here we go. These are my findings and opinions on the matter. My wife’s comments are in purple.
Physiological Effects of Alcohol and Sex
The combination of alcohol and sex has some interesting effects that you may want to consider before trying it out. To start off, alcohol is a depressant, and with that comes the potential of a lack of sexual desire. Next, there is the possibility of difficulty achieving an erection for the men, then top it off with the potential for difficulty reaching orgasm for both genders. So, if you hit all three, that means you get drunk, to have drunk sex, but by the time you get to the sex, you really don’t want to anymore, but you do anyways, because, well, that was the plan. But then the husband has trouble getting and/or staying hard. Finally you get that sorted out, but then, after a few minutes of sex, you realize that its not going anywhere. It doesn’t feel as good as usual, and your orgasm isn’t getting any closer. Luckily, you’d rather be sleeping by now anyways, and you may not remember any of it by morning…
Something about us changes when we drink alcohol. Our judgement is impaired, we don’t feel things the same way, we are dizzy and clumsy. I remember drunk sex, and it was always disappointing. I think I couldn’t feel the same sensations as when sober, and Jay had issues with ED when he had too much. I will say though, that he had to drink A LOT before he was affected at all by it, he has a really high metabolism when it comes to that. (he always needs a double dose of freezing at the dentist too.) So with decreased sensations, having an orgasm was difficult for both of us, and we were so tired from being out so late that, like he said, we’d rather be sleeping.
Masking Inhibitions
Now, this may sound like a positive, but I believing thinking that way is playing a short game (not thinking long term). Our society, churches, parents, etc, have all piled on many misconceptions and inhibitions towards sex. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, so I can understand why some people would think this is a good thing. The problem is that it doesn’t deal with the issues, it reinforces them.
If you are taught from a young age that sex is wrong, dirty, gross, only bad girls like sex, etc., and then you drink to temporarily set those teachings aside, all your doing is reinforcing the thought. You are adding to that list that only a drunk person would want sex, one not in complete control of their faculties). In other words, any intelligent, sober person wouldn’t want sex.
Instead you should unpack the thoughts, recognize the teachings and deal with the underlying issues, then you should be able to have sex uninhibited without the alcohol.
When we were first married, I used to love having a drink or two to let loose, and relax and wind down. It was like I couldn’t allow myself to actually let loose UNLESS I had the alcohol. I have to say that I was suffering from depression, and my focus was not on God at that point in my life, I mean I was a Christian, but not really living the faith then. Now though, recovering from depression, and living my life for God rather then just having him in the background, I couldn’t imagine putting something in my body that will affect how I think or react to my surroundings. If I’m feeling stressed or have had a long hard day, I like to go sew something or go for a brisk walk, fresh air is amazing!
Reduces Willpower
Again, this may sound like a positive, especially if you have a refusing/gate-keeping spouse, but it’s not. Our willpower is there for a reason, it helps us to protect us from things we don’t want to do. But if you set it aside, or diminish it, in essence what you are doing is raping your spouse, because, if they were sober and in control, they would have said “no”. You can get charged with rape for having sex with a drunk person. You can get charged for raping your spouse. I personally haven’t seen a case yet, but you know it’s coming where someones going to get charged for raping their drunk spouse.
Again, the underlying issues are being swept aside temporarily. Deal with the issues, then you don’t have to get drunk to get a “yes”. I know, easier said than done.
It can be a lot of work to deal with the issues, sometimes you don’t even realize there are issues to be dealt with! I know I didn’t realize the depth of my own issues. Had I known how far I had gone down, I would have gotten help a lot sooner. Drinking really did reduce my willpower, it’s like I wanted to have it reduced though, it was just the wrong method. I couldn’t do it on my own, so I had a drink. I should have prayed. But that takes a lot more humility.
What the Bible Says
I know, I know, the Bible doesn’t say anything about having sex while drunk. But it does have a lot to say about being drunk. And the Bible is the first place I go to for life advice, seeing as it’s God’s living word on how we should live.
The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. – 1 Peter 4:7
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. – 1 Peter 1:13
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. – 1 Peter 5:8
Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? – 1 Timothy 3:2-5
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit – Ephesians 5:18
Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. – Titus 2:2
In fact, there is only one place that I know of in the Bible that tells you to get drunk:
He
I came to my garden, my sister, my bride,
I gathered my myrrh with my spice,
I ate my honeycomb with my honey,
I drank my wine with my milk.Others
Eat, friends, drink,
and be drunk with love!– Song of Solomon 5:1 (emphasis mine)
So, my thoughts: If you want to be drunk, get drunk on love, not on alcohol. Remember what you love about your spouse, and why you married them. Think back to the days where you couldn’t think of anything else but your spouse and when you got to see them next. When I think back to our engagement, I was so giddy with happiness, it was like I was drunk with love. I was so playful and passionate. It was a fun time in our relationship. And now, we have no alcohol in the house, and I’m very passionate about different things, and I’m working on being that playful person again. She’s getting there, I feel like I have my fiancée back!
Your Turn
What are your thoughts? Do you mix alcohol and sex in your marriage bed? What are you looking to get from drinking alcohol?
I don’t drink, so I’m not pointing this out of defensive, but does it answer the original question? Was the original question asking about drunk sex or just having a drink or two to maybe slightly tipsy? I would ask JD if that makes a difference, but it sounds like you’re totally against drinking. But since not all christians are, how would you answer the question about is it ok to have a drink or two before sex, NOT drunk?
The question was specifically about drunk sex.
Personally, I’m against alcohol being consumed for the purpose of altering your mind-state. I think Christians are called to be sober-minded, and to treat our bodies at temples. To have something else in control of your mind is dangerous in my opinion.
So, to me, one or two to get “tipsy” would mean you are no longer self-controlled and sober minded. I understand others disagree.
I don’t drink either for much the same reasons (plus I get sick from it), but I think you will lose people here because you aren’t distinguishing between having a drink or two and getting drunk. There is a wide range between relaxed from alcohol and being drunk.
I feel like alcohol weakens my spiritual defenses and that allows more opportunity for the enemy to attack me when I’m not at my best. But perhaps others can handle it better and it’s not a risk for them.
Well, I’ll be honest, I don’t see much of a distinction, and I used to be a drinker (not an alcoholic), so I hope no one will argue that I must have grown up this way to believe it, or that something horrible happened to me to make me this way. Someone once mentioned to me that they didn’t think Christians should drink, so I studied the Bible, and I couldn’t come to any other conclusion but that he was correct. I understand the vast majority of Christianity disagrees with me, but I cannot control what they believe. I did my best to be upfront about my biases so they weren’t hidden and people would know what they were getting into. But, I wanted to answer the question posed from a reader, so, if I have to take some flack for that, or lose some people, well, so be it. I can do nothing but share what I believe.
As you said, I believe alcohol makes it harder to hear God, and easier for the enemy to influence us due to our weakened will. Why take that chance?
Thanks for commenting!
Even one glass of wine makes me much less able to get sexually stimulated. Now if a couple enjoys relaxing with a glass of wine before making love, I see nothing wrong with that, but I have to admit I’m a bit perplexed by the wording of “adding alcohol to bedroom activities.” Are they talking beer pong on the bed? Taking shots off of eachother? LOL I don’t think drinking is a sin… but my personal experience has been that sex is much better without alcohol. Drunk sex? I may as well be under anethesia. Don’t. feel. a. thing.
Yeah, that phrasing was bad, I agree.
Sin is a tricky word in Christianity. Some people want a specific list of do’s and don’ts, or they say things like “If the Bible doesn’t say anything against it, it’s fine”. But, I think it’s anything that isn’t within God’s will. I think that’s why, if you track Paul’s writing chronologically, he goes from being a sinner, to being a terrible sinner, to seemly being unable to control himself, to being the worse sinner ever. As he drew closer to God, he realized more and more things were pulling him away, not that there were more, just he recognized them more. I don’t think he had a list of sins. I think he just looked at his life and saw things that he was doing that wasn’t perfect. And the closer to get to God, the more you realize how much of your life harms your relationship with God instead of strengthening it.
There are a great many things in my life that I never thought twice about at the time, that now, I recognize as clear sins, were I to do them. Were they a sin then? Well, that’s another confusing question that I’ve been pondering: Are sins a sin if you don’t know they are sin.
Sometimes “sin” is contextual or personal in origin. What may be a sin for me many not be a sin for you. -Romans 14. Hence the “perfect” or “complete” law of liberty. – James 1:25, 2:12 An exhaustive list is needed no longer. I don’t know that we will ever know the entirety of God’s will here on earth (because His ways are not our ways) but I know He has given us the Bible and that must be enough to be pleasing Him.
The question at it’s heart has little to do with sex and much to do about alcohol consumption in general as I see it. If there wasn’t a question about alcohol in general, then there would be no question because we all understand the idea of the marriage bed being undefiled coupled with servant-hood to your spouse- right?
So if one can consume some level of alcohol and it not be sinful for them or their spouse and they both enjoy the experience – then who can condemn it? You might not be getting the whole enchilada sexually, but that’s your problem to deal with. The post by J & C addresses those pitfalls well. If any consumption whatsoever is sinful – then there is no question – unless we choose to sin rather than not- and since the question was posed in a “Christian” context…. I hope we would not choose to sin.
Drunkenness is specifically called sinful in scripture. So is sexual immorality, gluttony, sloth and fits of anger. Some would say – rightfully so – that “we should avoid all appearance of evil.” I agree. 1 Thess. 5:22 says exactly that in some translations. So we should then avoid drinking, sex, eating, resting and getting angry. ?? That would be foolish we know. It is not the act in and of itself, it is the abuse or focus on it – ultimately idolatrous focus on it that is the sin. Alcohol does have the added problem of lost inhibitions when consumed to a point (which varies with individuals) that can lead to a multitude of other sins – some specified, others not. So can anger – lead to murder, etc. Yet we are told to “be angry and sin not.” OR you could interpret that as “be in control of your anger” couldn’t you? So can we “drink and sin not?” Perhaps some can, others can’t. Some may choose to avoid the slope altogether. Much like I avoid the Black Diamond slopes at Steamboat Springs….. I can’t control my ascent there – ends up in many crashes along the way with a big crash at the bottom. I’ll stick to the “Greenway”, thank you. Because I still enjoy skiing.
I’ll end with this – there is a definite risk involved with choosing to consume alcohol. There is absolutely no risk in choosing to abstain from it completely. Choose carefully and wisely.
I am one of those Christians who views drunkenness and the lack of self-control that gets one to drunkeness as the sin. I do not think one glass of wine to relax is a sin. Frankly, in my personal experience alcohol’s relaxation properties have helped my physical libido (not a willpower issue). That is consuming just 5 oz, not drunkenness. I respect that you understand there may be disagreement with your stance of alcohol abstinence, JayDee. I do agree with you that drunken sex is not going to strengthen the marriage bed, the marriage bond and is a sin.
I don’t have a problem with drinking and sex. Out for a romantic evening having wine with dinner. Or, out at the bonfire and a few drinks. Or, out to a hockey game and a few drinks. If you have a healthy sex life and most outings (dates) culminate with sex. I would hate for someone to go the extreme in their thinking and say that we can’t have sex b/c we drank too much. Drinking TO have sex, I’d have to agree that it’s probably a no-no; not sin – just not advantageous to the marriage. But not any different than any other coping choice of drug that is mind/emotion altering. I see that drinking to excess is just another form of gluttony – overconsumption.
Yes. What she said, lol.
I think you guys are missing the point. You are focusing on getting drunk. All things need to be taken in moderation, including alcohol and if you are getting drunk, you are not drinking in moderation. That said, one or two drinks should not be a sin and should not prevent enjoyable sexual relations between a husband and a wife.
Hi Kent. I hear this argument (moderation) a lot. However, “everything in moderation” is not a Biblical teaching. I’m not quite sure how it crept into Christianity.
Do we mix alcohol with sex? Yes and no. Yes for me and no for him.
I think a little background is necessary here. We’ve been married for decades. My hubby does not drink. He hates the taste and has never been drunk ever. He’s 55. I don’t have the same background as my hubby. In my youth, I was quite foolish. I would get drunk. This was way before I got saved. I met my hubby when I was 25. I showed up for one of our first dates, in the morning, still tipsy, after spending the earlier hours with my girlfriends. He, being so much more upright and responsible than me, told me to quit drinking, so I did. I gave it up no problem. I was only a social drinker anyway. I wanted him more than all the alcohol in the world.
We have a very loving and trusting marriage. I have the utmost respect for hubby. He loves me to pieces. That being said, I do consume a glass of wine maybe twice a year. We travel and will sometimes pick up a bottle of very sweet wine at a vineyard. Later, we’ll open the bottle and I’ll have one glass. The rest goes into pre-measured ziplocs for my cooking recipes and into the freezer. We don’t waste anything. That would be terrible. The one glass will get me tipsy for just a short while. I do get very forward and adventurous with him with that alcohol in me. He has a limited time to act or I might fall asleep. I don’t need the wine to get forward and adventurous with him. Trust me. Because we have a very trusting relationship, I can let loose and know he won’t do anything that I would not want to do. There are only two things I won’t do but those two things are no big thing for him either.
Is it necessary to drink to make love? Heck no! It’s just something that mixes things up a bit. Two nights out of the approximately 341 days a year that we make love is hardly a problem. I would hope that the Lord looks down on our marriage and says to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
“Everything in moderation” is not just heard in Christian circles. It is heard in common sense circles. IMHO.
My problem with “Everything in moderation” is that it seems contrary to the Bible, which regularly uses words like “flee from” and “abstain” and “have no part”. Christianity, in the Bible, appears to be an “all or nothing” philosophy, not a moderate one.
Jay,
It’s okay that we can agree to disagree. Getting down right stumbling drunk is wrong. We can all agree there. If we tend to get too legalistic on everything, then there will be problems. I will always go back to the only commandment in the new testament and humbly show love. John 15:12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
I would challenge your statement that there is only one commandment in the New Testament. I mean, if you want to lump it all together like that, you could say there is only one commandment in the entire Bible: to love.
The individual commandments are to show us how to love God, love each other, and love ourselves.
I believe I’ve seen a list of over 1000 commandments in the New Testament alone, culminating with Revelation telling us that the remnant are those who keep The Commandments (plural) of God, and have the testimony of Christ.
I think the Commandments are very important, and I think post-modern Christianity has done away with many of them in an attempt to match the worlds buffet-style of religion.
The Jews had focused too much on legalism, no grace. We, on the other hand, have gone the other way: all grace, no law. But the New Testament speaks so highly of law and it’s role in our life. It’s a shame it gets swept aside. But, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, the Bible itself predicts that it would happen in the last days.
It’s true, there are commandments (plural) but if you love…then all those commandments are obeyed. I’m still a sinner in thought, word and deed, from time to time. I need Jesus daily. The old testament concentrates on the law and of our savior to come. The new testament shows us our savior in action with the full grace of God. It’s necessary to show us the laws to show us how much we need Jesus. You can’t earn your way to heaven. Jesus died so that we can be saved through Him. It is done! God loves us all that much. There is therefore now no condemnation through Christ Jesus. I say this with love, Brother Jay.
I’m enjoying this, I hope you are as well.
Agreed, we cannot earn our way into heaven. BUT, now that we love, we should continue to follow the law out of love and respect.
“Do we then overthrow the law by this faith? By no means! On the contrary, we uphold the law.” – Romans 3:31
So, we are to uphold the law, by faith.
“Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.” – 1 John 3:4
Why would he say this is the law was of no consequence? Why equate it to sinning if the law is done away with. Do we still sin? Of course. And yet: “To be sure, sin was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not charged against anyone’s account where there is no law.” – Romans 5:13
So, if there is no law, then there must be no sin, but we know that is not the case.
And Romans 10:5 says: “For Moses writes about the righteousness that is based on the law, that the person who does the commandments shall live by them.”
So, if righteousness is based on the law, that Moses wrote (given to him by the angels a Galatians 3:19 says), then how can we be righteous, while ignoring the law that righteousness is based on?
So, we know there is sin, because we have the law, and we become righteous by following that law (though not saved, that is through belief in Christ).
I believe first, we believe in Christ and are saved, then, through following the law, our lives transform, to bring God’s kingdom (I don’t mean heaven) here on Earth.
What about 1 Corinthians 10:23? Not to argue that it’s a good thing, only that I don’t think it can be considered “sin”.
Careful with that one.
You cannot use 1 verse to throw away 20 others.
Some translations have it as such:
“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. – 1 Corinthians 10:23
This would make Paul quoting society, or perhaps a philosopher/theologian of the time, and disagreeing with it.
We cannot be sure, so logic dictates that we should favor the mass of verses and reject the one that contradicts, no?
I get that, and agree with you, but I think one should be careful throwing the word “sin” around as well. While drunkenness is mentioned several times as sin, moderate alcohol use is mentioned positively in, say, the Lord’s supper, Jesus turning water into wine, etc. I hate to be cliche with the whole “Jesus drank wine” thing, but…as it were…He did. So I have a hard time justifying complete abstinence from alcohol through the Scripture.
Again, not always beneficial, just wouldn’t use the word “sin”, or at least, not in every case. As I’m sure you know, I’m an alcohol and drug counselor so I fully understand that for some, it could definitely fall into a dangerous category.
There is a lot of questions regarding the Wedding at Cana. Most interesting is the discussion of what “wine” meant. Because “wine” in Koine Greek, I’m told, can be used to mean both fermented and unfermented grape juice. Now, in Hebrew, there are two different words, and it seems likely that the gospels were originally written in Hebrew, but we’ve lost all of them except Matthew. During the translation from Hebrew, to Aramaic, to Greek, it would have been translated down to the single term, which confuses the issue.
As for Lord’s Supper, every time the drink is mentioned in the Bible, it uses the term “fruit of the vine”, or “the cup”. Never “wine”. Why the distinction if it was wine? It could be because wine involves a corruption, it involves decay, something that doesn’t exactly fit with the idea of a sinless sacrifice.
Furthermore, there are numerous references in the Bible of Jesus, and his bloog, being the first fruits. Jesus’ blood was symbolized by this grape juice, or wine. But wine is not a first fruits. It is a byproduct, a decayed corruption, not fit for giving as a first fruits offering. Thus, if the drink symbolized his blood, and it was a first fruits, it makes more sense for it to be grape juice.
There’s a lot more, but my point is, passages like that are not as clear cut as they seem. And as much as Jesus knew the Old Testament, it seems odd He’d ignore the plethora of verses about abstaining from alcohol…
The word used when Jesus turned water into wine was “oinos”. This is also used in Genesis 27:28 and Deuteronomy 7:13 when God blessed His people with wine, in Leviticus 23:13 and Numbers 15:7 when describing a proper offering to God (which included the consumption of wine), as well as several other OT references to wine being an offering and blessing. In the NT, the word is used in 1 Timothy 3:8 when a deacon is described as a man not given to “much” wine, which would suggest to me that the sin of drunkenness is excess. In 1 Peter 4:3, there is also a reference to the Gentiles using an “excess of wine”, again suggesting that the excessive part is relevant.
As you can see, the same word is used to describe drunkenness as is used in a positive context. So the same wine that gets you drunk is the same stuff Jesus made and the same stuff that was used as offerings and given by God as a blessing. 🙂
Hey Bonnie,
I’ve heard this argument before, and it’s always confused me, because, well, “oinos” is Greek, and Genesis, Deuteronomy, Leviticus, Numbers…they’re all written in Hebrew…how can it be the same word? They don’t even use the same alphabet.
I use the Blue Letter Bible: http://www.blueletterbible.org/
My assumption (and yes I am aware of what happens when we assume, lol) is that they are translating from Hebrew to Greek here to use the same word.
Genesis 27:28, the word is ‘tiyrowsh’, which means “fresh grape-juice” (as just squeezed out).
Deuteronomy 7:13, same word
Leviticus 23:13 and Numbers 15:7 I’ll give you, they seem to indicated fermented wine ‘yayin’. I’ll have to study that more. Thank you, I learned something new. But, it’s of worth to note that no one drank the drink offering, it was poured out on the ground.
So, I took a look, and I found 11 instances of where “wine” is used as a sign of blessing in the Old Testament:
Genesis 27:28
Deuteronomy 7:13, 11:13-14, 33:28
2 Kings 18:31-32
Psalm 4:7
Proverbs 3:9-10
Jeremiah 31:12
Joel 2:18-24
Joel 3:18
Amos 9:13-14
All but the last two use that word ‘tiyrowsh’ that means fresh grape juice. The last two use another word ‘aciyc’ which means fresh grape-juice (as just trodden out). In other words, not time to ferment.
Lots of cool stuff when you start digging into these things. Thank you.
Yeah I like BLB because it’s some good information regarding translations and things. You are welcome. I tend to take the Bible in a literal sense. Like the 7 days of Creation were actually 7 twenty-four hour days. Jesus really walked on water. The flood really happened, and wine means wine. 😉 Either way, it is clear that wine (alcoholic wine) was consumed in the Bible in ways that were not looked upon as sinful. The sin was the excess. If it was simply consumption, the words “much” and “excessive” would not be necessary.
I was trying to figure out how you got that from my reply, then I realized I had made a typo. What I’m saying is that I have not yet seen any instance where people have drunk alcoholic wine, without it being a sin in the Bible. All the instances I found so far that included drinking were talking about grape-juice (unfermented, fresh squeezed).
I maintain that if the sin is consumption, the words “much” and “excess” would not be necessary. But like many people who have commented, I’m ok agreeing to disagree. 🙂
The Bible says “be not drunk with wine wherein is excess but be filled with the spirit.” Simple obedience is such a blessing and beside that just safer with no hangover or sinful addiction.
But according to Song of Solomon 5: 1 and Proverbs 15:19 being drunk with her love (your very own wife’s) or something a kin to it is o k and even encouraged. It has often happened to me in fact if you will allow me to be strait up “when shes on top and we are deeply connected with her breasts dangling in my face and being sucked into my mouth I loose all sense of anything but the deepest and most intense love.” My eyes are rolling back, my speech is incoherent, time means nothing I am transported..
Essentially though I have never been drunk with wine but I think I know what its like to be intoxicated. For sure exhilarated. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. I have experienced it and you know what, that is so good I am gonna see if I can have it tonight. It’s always a boost and the price is right. We’ve been married 35 years and I just never get tired of it. My wife is no movie star but to me she’s beautiful, shes sexy, she loves me and I love her. This is God’s design for love in marriage. We have had our struggles and plenty of discouraging times but we have also many wonderful times and memories and are committed to grow and prosper our marriage. I treasure it and need no alcohol to make sex better.
Amen!
I am not giving up my two glasses of wine PER YEAR. I’m digging in my heels on this one. I would have to give up on the experience of going to a vineyard and going through the tour. Depending on which state I’m in, I may never be there again. It’s interesting to see how each operation runs. When I go to a bakery, I will bring home bread, especially if I’ve had a tour through their business. When I go through a winery, I’m bringing home a bottle of wine. It’s just the way I roll.
It’s ridiculous to think that I would NEED alcohol to make sex better. Phooey! Nonsense! God made sex to feel good, really, really good.
It’s not my job to convict, nor judge. I’m merely responding to people’s specific arguments in case they want to discuss and learn.
I apologize if I’ve offended.
Jay,
You did not offend me, it takes more than that. I had to leave the computer. I had to drive my hubby to a parts store (45 minutes away, one way). I do live way out there. I drive for a half hour one way to drive to church and I don’t go through any towns while I drive.
Anyway, you have your opinion and I have mine. We have different experiences and different teachings and different backgrounds. We are bound to have different views. Do you remember our discussion about masturbation? We can agree to disagree. No problem.
This article and the discussions with the commenter is enriching my belief. Personally, I don’t agree with having sex while drunk as well. I am not a drunkard anyway but I do believe in taking in some alcohol for your body’s benefit.
Hi Evangeline,
I’m curious, what benefit do you get from alcohol that you wouldn’t get from grape juice? I haven’t seen one reported.
Hey Jay,
I would never advocate to being completely bombed and drunk when having sex with someone you love but I truly feel it is no big deal to have a little alcohol while having a night out with your spouse and then coming home to enjoy yourself. The best thing I think it does for our marriage is to reduce our inhibitions. There is a saying out there that, when you have a little alcohol in you, one tends so say and do things that are stupid but I don’t really believe that. Yes, you may do something stupid or say something bad if you’re completely sloshed but typically what you say and do when you are let’s say tipsy, I believe comes from your heart. Me for an example, I’m a very loving man and I have a big heart and I constantly find myself giving my wife amazing compliments and showing her how much I love her when I have a little alcohol in me. Can I not do that when I don’t have any alcohol in me, no but it flows a little easier with a few drinks and our sex life becomes that much better for it because of the mental and emotional foreplay prior to sex. As such, I think mixing “a little” alcohol with sex is pretty good.
My wife and I never drank at home. When we were younger the only time we ever consumed alcohol was when we were in a social situation with friends. It was never good for either of us to drink in these situations. I often found myself wanting intimacy and getting angry when she wanted to keep the party going, so to speak. It just wasn’t good. Neither of us drink at all anymore except on New Year’s Eve, at home. We don’t need the alcohol to loosen up and express ourselves… we can do that just fine with our level of trust, security, safety, and desire for each other.
I won’t say drinking is bad… and a married couple having sex while inebriated is their business… I only think it’s a bad thing when someone NEEDS the alcohol in order to “give themselves permission” to have sex.