Category Archives: Initiating

Why lower-drive spouses should initiate sex

One of the largest, and yet least talked about, struggles in marriage is the difference in sex drives.  Often one spouse ends up doing the bulk of the initiating and pushing for a more varied and passionate sex life.  Often, this ends up with a

Being more skilled at rejection

Being more skilled at rejection

A couple of posts ago, I wrote about being more skilled at initiating sex, but today we’re going to tackle rejection.  I think sexual rejection might be one of the touchiest conflicts to handle in marriage.  It’s hard to do correctly and too easily to

Being more skilled at initiation

I think one of the biggest conflicts regarding sex with a lot of couples is simply how initiation and rejection are handled.  From both sides. I think if we could improve that one back and forth conversation, a lot of marriages would be a substantial

How to ask for what you want in bed

How to ask for what you want in bed

I think a lot of spouses don’t ask for what they want in bed.  I think this is frustrating for both spouses because the spouse who doesn’t ask if often not getting what they want or need to make the sexual experience the best it can

3 myths that kill maintenance sex

3 myths that kill maintenance sex

I fully believe that married sex should be erotic, frequent, adventurous and a host of other things.  However, sometimes there’s just not enough time for all of those things. Life can get busy and occasionally you just have to have sex, because that’s what the

Are you the gatekeeper of sex?

Are you the gatekeeper of sex?

It often happens that one spouse becomes the gatekeeper of sex in a marriage. I think a lot of the time, they don’t even realize they are.  Sometimes it’s because they’re selfish.  Sometimes it’s because they have misunderstandings about sex.  Sometimes it’s because they have

How can I encourage my spouse to do something new sexually?

How can I encourage my spouse to do something new sexually?

I regularly have someone ask me how they can encourage their spouse to do something new sexually.  For example, here’s a question from our Have A Question page: How can a husband encourage his wife to deep throat and swallow his semen without seaming demanding or better

Your spouse may need time to desire sex

Your spouse may need time to want sex

Something that’s often hard for those of us who are interested in sex more often to understand why our spouses don’t want sex as often.  While working through my questions backlog, I saw this one, and wanted to answer it: What does it mean for

Are some men just not as visual as others?

Here’s a question I received through our Have A Question page a while back (I have a bit of a backlog). Are some men just not as visual as others? My husband doesn’t seem that affected by my physical appearance, and I am a petite

Vacation does not necessarily equal sex

It’s Thanksgiving this weekend here in Canada, that means hanging out with the family.  Yesterday we had a chance to go up north to cottage country and help my in-laws get ready for maple syrup season.  We spent two days cutting up trees, splitting and

The dual control model – Why you sometimes can’t get in the mood for sex

Alright, today we’re going to talk a bit about the dual control model of sexual arousal.  I think people probably know this inherently, but sometimes it’s good to put things on paper, as it were, to make them clear. So, the dual control model of