I received this question a few days ago through our Have A Question page:
I like going down on my wife after we finish having sex. Is there any issues with this?
Now, there’s a very short, simple answer to this:
No. There are no issues. Have fun.
However, I think there’s a larger topic here that we can address.
Often, there seems to be a general fear, disgust or at least apprehension to our own bodily fluids with many. Men can ingest ejaculate and women can ingest their natural lubricant without ill effects (unless of course, there is a sexually transmitted disease/infection present). It won’t harm you at all.
But, many have this notion that it’s gross. Now, the one reason that jumps out at me is a homophobic fear. There is this mindset present that if a man touches, or especially ingests semen, well, then he’s gay…even if it’s his own…which happens to be inside his female spouse…who he just had sex with. Now, obviously, this is a ridiculous mindset, but ridiculous or not, it exists, and that makes it real. I’ll admit, it affects me as well. I used to be very squeamish about even touching my wife after we had sex. Thankfully I’ve gotten over that, but I haven’t yet tackled the apprehension of oral sex after “regular” sex. My wife has never asked either, so I may never have to tackle it, I don’t know.
Many woman have the same queasiness about their own fluids. I know many wives will not give their husband oral sex after he’s been inside of her. At least, not without washing off first. And again, there’s no moral, ethical or health concern (generally), and for most women, I doubt it’s a homophobic reaction either. It’s just … weird. Now, many get over this, some never have it, but it’s a very real and prevalent apprehension.
So, if you are a spouse that feels a certain sense of revulsion towards oral sex after sex, think through it, find what’s causing it and work towards overcoming it, if it’s something you think you spouse desires. If you are the spouse wanting this and your spouse has the apprehension. Be patient, and realize it may never happen, and that’s not the end of the world. After all, you’re having sex, or else the topic wouldn’t come up, so things aren’t so bad 🙂 Because while I believe sex is a privilege of marriage, specific acts are not.