This is another topic I’ve been avoiding for a while. I mean, people get upset enough when I mention anal sex. But to talk about kissing or licking the anus … well, I’m bracing myself for the comments. But, no one is talking about this in the Christian sphere, and I keep getting questions asked. So, I guess we should talk about it.
Plus, according to our anal sex and anal play survey, there’s a substantial percentage of Christians participating in this activity. So, it’s not like I’m making up something they’re not doing. Just opening up the discussion.
What is analingus?
Alright, if you don’t know, analingus is simply oral-anal sex. That is, one spouse puts their mouth on the anus of the other. It might just be kissing, licking or penetrating with a tongue. It’s also known as rimming, or getting a rim-job.
Why would you want a rim-job?!
This is the question I sort of guess a lot of people are asking as they read this. I mean, butts are generally considered sexy … anus … not so much. Or some may say “well, this is just because of porn”. But porn generally doesn’t invent new things. They take things that are already of interest to us and then push it to the extreme. In this case it probably has to do with the number of nerve endings around the anus. A pastor once told me “There are no pleasure nerves there, if there were, I’d enjoy going to the bathroom a lot more!” But, the thing is, those nerve signals are filtered by our brain and our brain is very good at determining context.
Bathroom time is not sexy time, and so the sexual inhibitor system in our brain says “No, this is not arousing” and puts the breaks on arousal. But, in the right context, there are thousands of nerve endings that can light up. Some people (men and women) can even have orgasms just from having this tissue stimulated. So, it’s no wonder that people who have figured this out might want to explore it, and their spouses may be willing to engage in this for their enjoyment.
Do Christians actually engage in oral-anal sex?
Yeah, turns out some of them do. In our survey on anal sex and anal play, 67 of the 516 respondents (13%) said that their spouse gives them oral-anal sex. 114 said they do this for their spouse (22%). For 37 of them (7% of the total), each spouse engages in this and it’s reciprocated. Together, 144 of our respondents (28%) said that they engaged in oral-anal sex in their marriage.
28%! More than a quarter, getting close to a third. Now, granted, my readers tends to be a bit more sex-positive than the regular fare, but still. I’ll admit, I was surprised.
So, yeah, people are doing this. I don’t know who they are, I mean, no one talks about it, but they exist.
Is this medically safe?
I’m not a doctor, so I can’t give a medical opinion. When this gets brought up, as with any discussion about anal play, I see a lot of people virtually screaming “But there’s feces there!” And that’s true. But, we also have showers and soap and cloth to clean things with. After all, if 28% of Christians are engaging in this activity and it caused terrible infections or diseases…well, I think someone would be warning people.
Don’t take that as me saying you should do this, I’m just saying people are, and they seem to be okay.
If you want to try it, I’ve heard that you can use saran wrap with something like coconut oil on the non-mouth side as a barrier to keep it any cross contamination from happening while still ensuring the sensations are transmitted well. I don’t have any experience with this, so I can’t say if it works or not. It’s just something I heard somewhere.
Is this sinful?
I don’t see how. I mean, if anal sex is okay, I don’t see how this could be any different. Though I’m sure some will disagree with me.
So, there you go. Hopefully that answers your questions about oral-anal sex. If there’s anything I didn’t address, let me know in the comments below.
Homosexually it done through the anal region. Anal sex is wrong and is harmful. It can lead to incontinence of the bowel. If God would have intended for anal activity to be done he wouldn’t have put the sphincters outward for feces to exit and for the sphincters to push away foreign intruders. Anal sex is a homosexual act therefore anal sex is sin. As for anal play that isn’t penetrating, it is dirty and our glands are continually excreting anal fluid. You can wash and within a couple minutes, even as soon as 30 seconds you will have fecal fluid at the anus. Anal play is dirty.
By that regard, intercourse is wrong because it can lead to damage as well if you are too rough. And anal sex is only a homosexual act if it’s done by two people of the same sex, by definition. It cannot be a homosexual act between a husband and wife 🙂
All these claims are sort of silly. I mean, there are millions of homosexuals in America. We would see an epidemic of bacterial infections or incontinence if these concerns had substance.
Instead I think people are so afraid that homosexuality is contagious that we then run away from anything that even hints of it (rightly or wrongly). But to say that a husband and wife engaging in anything between the two of them is homosexual is just absurd.
Technically there is a single act that is sinful and then not sinful, it’s sex. We teach that sex is sinful outside of marriage but fully acceptable inside of marriage. “By that regard” … anal sex is sinful when practiced by the same sex but fully acceptable inside of marriage (by God standards, not the state). Which is basically what you said JD, I just came at it from a different angle.
I appreciate your angle Robyn 🙂
I know someone who believes oral sec is sinful because homosexuals engage in oral sex.
I hope they hold hands or kiss…
I’ve read other marriage bloggers addressing this topic, along with anal sex, and their biggest concerns is sanitation, and possibly damaging the walls of your anus. I’m not really sure about those things, but certainly agree that a very thorough cleansing is in order.
All that is needed before oral, anal or PIV sex is a good shower/washing. For anal no need for enemas unless you feel like you need to have a bowel movement. If so have the BM, wipe well and shower.
Medically speaking, (I’m a healthcare provider) as well as practicing receiver of anal, as long as one uses lots of lube, is relaxed, and penetrating partner takes cues, directions from receiver, goes slowly upon penetration, stops until receiver, says “continue”, there’s very little chance of tearing.
My husband is a good size with good girth, and I guide him the times we’ve done PIA sex. Once he’s in it feels good, and it feel amazing when he goes goes in and out w/out any discomfort.
I have heard and read all kinds of information about enemas, no fiber, not eating w/in 8-12 hours, none of which I have heard is needed.
Fear will make you believe whatever you hear. I want to suck (no pun intended) everything out of life that I can, especially in my sex life. I don’t let fear keep me from living. If there’s something I’d like to try, I research it, and try it. I find out for myself.
Anal is one of my fave.
I completely agree with Keelie in that cleanliness is very important. But the arousal factor of a tongue or a kiss is immense. It sends shivers down the spine of my love. It’s not for everyone that’s for sure.
By doing this, though, it can show that you love every part of your spouse’s body.
To say “gay people do it” is absurd. What do you think lesbians do? I don’t want my hubby to not go down on my because lesbians do it to each other.
VERY well said. This goes both ways, for oral sex on the husband or wife. Though, I have heard people use that exact argument to say that oral sex is sinful.
It’s really hard to pick images sometimes. Yeah, basically because on the resemblance, and a slang term.
Glad to have biology backing up the post 🙂
“Or some may say “well, this is just because of porn”.
Really tired of hearing that one.
I’m with you and Jay Dee on that too. It may be a stretch to say that porn imitates reality in all cases, but I don’t think it’s a stretch at all to say porn imitates desire. Maybe not yours or mine, but somebody’s. It doesn’t continue to thrive and grow for no reason. I’m not justifying porn here, just saying it is more a reflection and imitator of our sexual behaviors than an innovator of them.
Well…wife is not in to it. However, I use a butt plug to help stimulate the prostrate.
I wish we could talk more about that in Christian circles too. Hubby and I would love to try more like this but don’t know where to start because it just isn’t discussed.
I’m trying 🙂
Stay on this form, I comment and am explicit at times because I want others to know from a medical and experience perspective, while maintaining my integrity as a woman of God.
Anal play is new to my hubby and me, mostly because we’ve been told over and over that the anus is not made for sexual pleasure and its sinful. Well, I read a post about the perineum from Hot, Holy, Humorous (who is against anal, funny) so we had a “His Night” where I just played around to find this so called fun spot and much to BOTH of our surprises, my hubby kept encouraging me to go back farther, farther, and well what do you know. Rubbing his anus during oral sex was a HUGE hit. To say there are no nerves or pleasure spots back there is just dead wrong. We’ve played around with penetration and yes, analingus, but most of that, while pretty good for him, was more effort than it was worth for both of us. (Hubby is a big dude. Access is an issue.)
Anyway, my main point is that I’ve changed my mind on anal play, and it had nothing to do with porn or homosexuality. Just a husband and wife exploring one another’s bodies and finding a spot that felt fantastic. Frankly we find something arousing about knowing each other THIS intimately. To literally know every inch of each other. I for one don’t see how that violates any biblical principles.
Kay has a healthy attitude. In the confines of a committed marriage, there is virtually no risk. It’s fun for a pair of lovebirds to intimately explore each other. There’s nothing wrong with it. And a lot of people find it physically and emotionally fulfilling. More than anything, I think it has to do with the psychology of intimacy.
I was against it until I read up on it on “Married Dance,” Very interesting anatomy discussion there.
I am very thankful that hubby and I agree that the anus is not part of our sexual repertoire. Just, ew! I deal with enough anuses and poop smells throughout the day (mom of littles) that it is not a turn on. Medical issues, too, come into play. We both agree that the penis and vagina are glorious enough in and of themselves that the anus is ignored.
Hubby tried touching me there once, and during arousal it did add a little to it, but despite keeping myself impeccably clean, we still smelled you know what and it wrecked my ability to climax and was just ew…and we laugh whenever one of us farts, so we aren’t uptight. Just not for us.
I don’t plan on remarrying if something happens to hubby for three reasons: It is getting harder to find good men these days. Porn. Too many porn users. And lastly, I don’t want to deal with a guy insistent on anal sex stuff. Just no. I am adventurous and excited about sex, and while I find hubby’s limitations bothersome (no oral or manual), at least he isn’t pressuring me to do these more extreme acts.
I believe that as you stay married longer vanilla sex will get boring. I personally have matured doing and enjoying things I would never think of doing when I was much younger, besides using different positions, vanilla sex, not my thing. I am usually the initiator of new things and have kept our sex life out of this world.
I know how good I am in bed, my husband acknowledges that, which arouses him and we are like teenagers at our age in the bedroom, except we know what we are doing. I try to take things to the next level if he is willing.
When I was young I would give my husband oral, but would never consider him finishing in my mouth. Once I felt pre-cum, we moved to PIV.
Now I keep telling him to finish in my mouth. I learned how to get past my gag reflex because I wanted to rock his world. Practice makes perfect. Now that’s usually where I ask him to finish, no bad taste, no gagging, just pleasure when he gives me what I want his sweet juice. No clean up needed, also the best form of birth control w/out side effects. Wish I would have learned this earlier so I could have enjoyed it longer.
It’s not often I comment on this blog, but once in a while I feel the need to add my .02 cents. 😉
First off, I agree with two things Anonymous said in their comment: 1) homosexuality is a sin and 2) the anal sphincter is not meant for penetration only for opening to element feces from the body.
Now, is anal sex a sin? Not if we base it strictly on the fact that a homosexual may engage in it. As far as what God’s Word says it’s pretty silent on anal sex within a heterosexual marriage. There are two verses my husband and I see as possibly addressing it, Romans 1:26-27. I realize this has been argued before as simply meaning the natural order of things is a man and woman having sex, not necessarily saying anal sex is wrong. But I do stand behind my belief that God who made us male and female designed our bodies perfectly for coming together as one flesh, and that is PIV intercourse. Does that make anal sex or analingus/rimming a sin within marriage? Again it’s hard to say positively, but whether sinful or not that doesn’t mean those activities are necessarily healthy. Doesn’t matter if we use all the soap in the world, the anal area is full of bacteria and caution should be used if performing oral there.
The anal sphincter is not designed like the vagina to stretch and expand for penetration. Can the anus be penetrated, well yes, but often it is necessary to go through quite a bit of work to allow for it to be done comfortably and as safely as possible. The anal tissues are more easily torn during penetration and if PIA is practiced too frequently, then yes there can be problems with incontinence, at least down the road. And although Jay Dee comments how if this were true we would see an epidemic of incontinence etc in our country because of all the homosexuals, I wonder, would we really? I mean is there some consensus taken to document who is having anal sex and how it’s affecting them?
And I just have to say, the comment “By that regard, intercourse is wrong because it can lead to damage as well if you are too rough” is a little ludicrous. Assuming what was meant here is PIV intercourse, then of course a woman can be hurt if PIV is done too roughly, but this statement seems to make the assumption anal and vaginal sphincters operate the same and again, they do not. God designed the female vagina to accommodate the male penis perfectly, whereas the anus which He included in both the male and female anatomy is not designed for that purpose.
I believe that anal play of touching or massaging that area of the perineum does not cause harm, other than possibly passing bacteria to the vaginal area if the fingers are not washed in between, and it can be very stimulating for both husband and wife. The perineum of both male and female, that area of skin between the urethra and anus, is full of nerve endings so it’s no surprise that stimulating that area clear back to the anal opening would cause an orgasm. Often a woman who has had an episiotomy done during childbirth will find a loss of sensation on the perineum because those nerve endings have been severed.
So in short, while I feel that anal sex may not be a sin between a husband and a wife, I do believe it’s a medically unhealthy practice and if done, it should be fairly infrequent. As far as oral of the anal area, it is full of risk because of bacteria and should probably be avoided. And with any anal play, whether full penetration or just use of fingers, never ever move to vaginal sex or manual without washing thoroughly to help avoid introducing bacteria into the vagina and/or urethra area which can cause infections.
I think that’s exactly what a sphincter is designed to do.
Yep, seems like it’s designed to expand and contract…Plus, many people have bowel movements larger than a penis. Just saying.
I’ve heard the same thing about vaginas for a lot of people.
Too frequently? No, without proper patience…yeah, I could see that. We’ve had anal sex many times and never experienced tearing. However, my wife has given birth, which I think we all agree is exactly what the vagina is designed for, and she’s experienced tearing during that. So, that sort of turns that one on it’s head, doesn’t it? Oh, giving birth also causes a lot of women incontinence. Perhaps it’s not wise that we give birth any more? I know, I’m being hyperbolic, but given the facts, this argument seems a bit silly.
Wow, He made some colossal mistakes in his placement of nerve tissue then… I mean, why would you put the prostate so that it’s most easily accessible from the anus? And why use the same nerve system to innervate the clitoris, vagina and anus?
I see the same rhetoric spread around with no basis in fact. Like I said, we have concentrated populations of homosexual males, for example in some San Francisco areas. You’d think we’d see adult diapers being more heavily marketed there if there was any truth to these claims. Someone would be figuring out how to make money on this if it were fact.
The anal sphincters do not expand and open like the walls of the vagina, except to allow feces out of the rectum. In order for penetration to occur somewhat easily, the external anal sphincter muscles which normally stay closed except during defecation, have to be voluntary relaxed and over time it weakens that band of muscles. And yes, while some women need extra time/work/etc to relax the vaginal muscles to make intercourse enjoyable, you cannot argue that the vagina is designed to open and elongate during sexual arousal. The anal sphincters do not. And there can be tiny tears in the anal canal or around the opening that may not be felt, and that can happen in childbirth too. Not all tears are extensive enough to produce bleeding or pain and because the anal canal does not self lubricate and the tissue is thinner, tearing is more likely to occur.
As a childbirth educator since 1993 and having given birth twice myself, I know full well that sometimes tearing can occur during birth and that incontinence can also happen, whether urinary or fecal. Typically urinary incontinence is due to a weakened pelvic floor but fecal incontinence after childbirth is usually due to tearing into the anus which often occurs when an episiotomy is done.
The fact is, the vagina is designed for childbirth and sexual activity. The anal canal is designed to allow fecal matter out of the body.
So, it doesn’t turn anything on it’s head. It’s a fact.
The human body is amazing in it’s design. God knew exactly what he was doing. Watch as many babies born as I have and there is no doubt the human body is intricately designed. The perineum is rich in nerve endings and if there weren’t some nerve endings in the anus it might make a mess of things for us. LOL But just because there are nerve endings there doesn’t mean it’s designed for intercourse.
At the end of the day every couple has to decide for themselves what is best for them and their marriage. If it’s satisfying to both partners and not a sin or causing harm, then that’s their choice. Just like you and your wife make a choice what to allow and not allow into your marriage bed, so do my husband and I.
I find it interesting how defensive you become when someone has a difference of opinion. Actually my opinion wasn’t really different because I agreed that anal sex and analingus are not a sin, I just shared what I know about the human body and it’s function. Really strange too when I was the one who caught the error you made about stress incontinence in another post.
Time for me to walk away and stop spreading more rhetoric I suppose.
Because I don’t consider this a different of opinion. As you said, your opinion wasn’t that different. It’s your “facts” that I disagree with. When you corrected me on stress incontinence, I went to go look it up from multiple sources and found you were correct. I can’t find the same corroboration in this case. Instead I find sex therapists saying “I guess theoretically it could loosen the sphincter, but I’ve never actually heard of a case” for example, this excerpt from Women’s Health:
And while Cosmopolitan isn’t a great resource, they did point out that this is a myth started in the 70s:
My Aspergian side means that I tend to be more interested in the Truth than in relationships…sorry if I damage this one in my pursuit of it. It’s not defensiveness, I don’t feel personally offended in any way. I’m just really passionate about finding out the truth.
Me and my wife tried analsex in the beginning of our marriage. I would love to try it more but she is not so into it(right now she is not into sex in any way). I don’t know if I would try analingus but I love to kiss her butt because I love her butt. If she wants to tease me she just needs to show it and it drives me crazy.
I really like that JayDee talks about these things because some people wonder about these things and there isn’t many places where you can get information about these things from a Christian. At least not where I’m from.
I have been having anal sex regularly for about 13 years and haven’t had any issues except for a small fissure and hemrroid both related to pregnancy (I guess I also had pain with penetration for a few months while not pregnant but never figured out why and it went away). But no incontinence issues.
That said, I wouldnt give anal sex/anal-oral an unconditional stamp of approval. It it hurts stop, immediately. Also, the pain from anal sex without being relaxed is actually as bad as a labor contraction; that’s how bad it is.
To get past it you have to go slow, use lots of lube and I find taking a deep breath in (not holding your breath) helps. Emotional state also matters because stress or being emotionally upset usually makes people clench and relaxation is very difficult. If I am upset to the point of tears over something unrelated e.g. work stress, family drama anal sex is not possible.
Anyway, with anal I have an orgasm about 30 to 40% faster so that is the appeal. It is easier to orgasm as well.
I do like anal-oral but I worry terribly about cleanliness despite using lots of soap and warm water. I haven’t made hubby sick yet but I worry every time.
Thanks for commenting! So, I’ve done some further reading, and every time I see an actually qualified medical opinion of analingus, the danger is usually about:
1) STI transmission (not a problem if neither of you have STIs)
2) UTI (because you went from analingus to oral sex)
3) Spreading a parasite or bacteria – However, if you are married, you are likely eating the same food, and sleeping in the same bed and are probably sharing the same bacteria, parasites and other micro-organisms. As far as I can tell, most likely you’re only going to get some mild gastro-intestinal discomfort if something goes wrong.
Everything else seems to be unsubstantiated. A lot of rumour and fear mongering. Unless someone has a proper medical reference (not a doctor with an opinion).
Good topic to address JayDee! I don’t know why common sense is so hard to come by…If someone think it’s sin show me where it says it is sin. One should not take small sections of scripture to prove their point either. Romans 1:26-27 “For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.” Pretty sure that is clearly homo-sexual relations!! My DW was the initiator of our first inter-anal experience and she has always been the one to do so. She will only engage in it during a weekend away after she has had several (10-12) orgasms, this might only be once a year. “Warmed up for it” she calls it. Very clean, very lubed (fractionated coconut oil), and very slow to start out with. I am glad to oblige her and yes I enjoy it, but I never for a moment feel like I have to have it! Moderation is key…almost anything that becomes an excess is sin. Anal play of any kind DEMANDS cleanliness by nature so be clean!!
I’ve been performing anal-oral on my wife for over ten years. She’s been doing it for me for about seven to eight years. We both enjoy it tremendously, but we also shower beforehand to ensure we’re clean. Neither of us have gotten sick and it’s a regular part of our foreplay. Every couple is different, but I’d encourage you to give it a try during your next romantic interlude.