I received this anonymous question last night through our Have A Question page. I have more than have been there longer, and I intend to answer them, but today I don’t have much time, so I picked it because I thought it would be short. Plus, I get this question a lot, in various forms. People ask if they can ejaculate on their wife’s stomach, legs, butt, breasts, or face. I don’t think the location matters, with a caveat I’ll share below. So, here’s the question:
Is it alright to ejaculate on my wife? Kind of a tough one to find a verse on.
Yeah, there are no verses on this topic, what-so-ever.
Now, some may argue (I think errently), that Genesis 38:9-10, regarding Onan applies:
But Onan knew that the heir would not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in to his brother’s wife, that he emitted on the ground, lest he should give an heir to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; therefore He killed him also. – Genesis 38:9-10
However, this is deal with Onan running from his responsibility to provide an heir for his brother’s line, not because he “pulled out”. So, I’m going to disregard that verse in reference to this question, and suggest you do the same.
Myself, I see nothing wrong with ejaculating on your wife. In fact, it can be beneficial in some circumstances.
When recovering from a porn/masturbation addiction
For those who are recovering from a porn/masturbation addiction, I often suggest this simple rule:
In her or on her.
And some of my coaching clients have gone “eww…” at the thought, but it works. In short, the husband is not allowed to ejaculate anywhere except in, or on, his wife. Why? Because it removes the ability to orgasm alone and so it removes the ability for the husband to have a sexual life apart from his wife. But, it still allows for mutual masturbation, and that can be very helpful for many husbands who are struggling to remove themselves from porn. Sometimes husbands find they can’t have sex any more because they’re so used to porn. Their brain doesn’t associate their wife with enough sexual stimulation to get erect, let alone orgasm, and so mutual masturbation forms a bridge to retrain the husband to have a sexual relationship with his wife again, and ejaculating on his wife further helps that connection. It insures there are very close when he orgasms, which helps when oxytocin is released and imprints that connection in his mind.
During her period
Many couples choose to refrain from sex during “that time of the month”. But, that doesn’t mean have to refrain from all sexual activity. Again, you can use mutual masturbation to stay connected, and well, that’s more fun when you’re closer together, and worrying about where you can ejaculate would put a damper on things.
When you run out of energy
While the stereotype is that men only take a few short minutes to orgasm, the truth is that some take considerably longer. And while there may be some wives thinking “that would be amazing!” It’s less amazing if they struggle from delayed ejaculation. Especially when they run out of energy before they can reach the point of orgasm.
Then, the decision becomes again, mutual masturbation, or give up.
Before a gynecologist appointment
If the wife has a gynecologist appointment in the morning, but you still want to have sex…she may prefer you ejaculate on her instead of in her. Do I need to explain that one?
Other times
And there may be more. Some wives like being able to feel it, and not all can feel ejaculation internally. Some like to see it (yes, some women are visual as well). Some just don’t want to walk around all day feeling like they’re “leaking”. So, there are lot of times where ejaculating on your wife may be beneficial.
So far as I know, provided you have no STDs (or STIs as they’re now called), then there are no reasons I can think of, medically, biblically, spiritually or relationally where this could be harmful. With one exception:
If your wife finds it degrading or gross, don’t do it. It doesn’t matter if it’s irrational, it doesn’t matter if there’s nothing morally wrong with it. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s erotic. You will damage your relationship, and that’s not worth it. If you are that wife, I’d suggest exploring why you feel that way, because it’s likely limiting your sexual enjoyment to have this mindset, but husbands: don’t push your wife into this. That would be utterly selfish and you will show her you love yourself more than your wife.
So, there you go. I hope that answers the question.