Every survey we run, I get a certain question in the comments. It comes in different ways. How can I orgasm, how can I get my wife to orgasm, why can’t I orgasm, what do other wives do to orgasm, what do husbands do to their their wives to orgasm, and many other permutations. So, I thought I’d run a survey just to answer the question. I also spent some time picking up a new skill that I hope will help people assimilate the data better. I would love to know what you think. Anyways, on to our very first SexWithinMarriage.com Infographic!
Lastly, I want to share some of the specific tips people gave on the survey.
Orgasm tips from the wives
- Talk to your husband. Tell him what you need. Be completely truthful, although you must be sensitive to his feelings. Once you can achieve orgasm, this will help your husband, too; he will feel good about how he can please you. It’s worth the effort, even though it might take some time the first time. Play around (pun intended) to discover what feels good with one another. Be open and adventurous.
- Do not think about everything else think about and feel what u are doing to him and what he is doing to you
- Try to incorporate a vibrator into your sexual experience with your husband. I have a hard time having an orgasm and he suggested we try it and now it’s part of our regular routine.
- RELAX. I have to be relaxed or it just won’t happen.
- Read anything you can get your hands on. Relax about sex. Make it a normal part of your life. Make it part of a normal conversation with your husband. Once you lose the hang ups and undstand that we were meant to have sex (it’s not a sin!!) you’ll be amazed at how it makes you feel about yourself, your husband and your marriage.
- Relax! Don’t make intimacy with your husband goal-oriented or task-oriented; just enjoy each other with or without orgasm.
- Relax. Let it take as long as it will – maybe even longer than an hour. Then, “lean” into it when the pleasure gets intense. Don’t pull away or try to stay in control.
- Communicate with your spouse how to sexually fulfill your needs in the bedroom. You can show him too. Show confidence and reassurance!
- Allow yourself to enjoy -and develop-your sexual side! Understand you are created to be a sexual being- your arousal pattern and orgasms will be different than your husbands and a woman’s way is as valid as a man’s way bc God created both. Unfortunately our media and movies doesn’t show this. You and your husband may assume you are like him (or should be) in being able to get aroused easily (or visually) and being able to quickly orgasm by intercourse alone like he can so learn together about how a woman’s body works during sex-his way is not the “right” way so be confident in that! You will most likely become aroused after you start engaging in foreplay. It will take you longer to orgasm than it will him-this is normal so relax and both of you need to take time for you!! Foreplay is essential! He needs to learn not to grab for your breasts and vagina immediately. (I love sex and this is a huge turn off for me.) Make sure you both focus on your orgasm first before his. Take a night or two to let him solely focus on you and your body. Most women cannot and will not orgasm by intercourse alone-you will need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Accept your body and your sexuality-Play! Learn to relax, explore and have fun together!
- Try different kinds of stimulation – deep vibration, light vibration, penetration with vibration, finger stimulation, oral, etc. Tense your thigh and pelvic muscles to increase blood flow to your genital area and help with arousal. Take your time, block out distractions, and keep doing whatever feels good until it happens.
- Tell him where to touch you! Don’t be shy. And have him work that clit! I’ve found the softer touch is better to build up to climax… Soft, rhythmic touching.
- Oral sex was the key for me, and FOCUS! Block everything but sex with your partner out of your mind.
- To relax.. Be comfortable in your skin. He thinks you are beautiful. He doesn’t see one flaw on you. Enjoy it. Have fun.
- Talk it out! Husbands aren’t mind readers, and most really do want to please their wives, but might not know how. Open, honest, communication about what you like, or don’t like is vital. I would add, get to know your own body on your own-if you don’t know what you like, it’s hard to tell someone else!
Orgasm tips from the husbands
- I am a man an all I can say is it helps my wife if she is in a good, safe and secure place. For her to know she is loved and appreciated. Kissing helps too.
The better she feels our emotional connection is the quicker and better the orgasm.
A clear mind might help too, us guys are totally turned on by a wife who is enjoying herself sexually. So have fun! - For my wife, it seems to be the harder she tries, the less likely it is. Also, clear the mind and remove as many distractions as possible. Slow building foreplay also important.
- Patience — Don’t set an arbitrary time limit. Enjoy the journey.
Relax — Pressure makes it less likely.
Communication — Adjust what you both are doing to advance toward the goal.
Concentrate — Focus on the sensations.These also work for me when I have some difficulty achieving orgasm. - Make time for it. Don’t feel pressured, but invest both in reading up on ways to allow yourself to let go, deal with any abuse from the past, and allow God to give you the gift He has for you from your husband!
- Help your husband out with some information like when he is doing something right let him know and encourage him to keep doing it. Do some of your own study to find out what works for other women and don’t be afraid to try something new if necessary.
- Learn that it is ok to enjoy physical sexual feelings
- Relax! Let your husband explore and enjoy your body. It doesn’t have to be perfect. He really enjoys you. There is nothing more exciting to a man than an excited wife. Be his coach and cheerleader and enjoy!
- Talk, talk, talk to your spouse. Let him know what’s going on. Tell him what you like and don’t like, what turns you on and off. Let him help you discover it. Do it together.
- We have found communication and selfishness to be the tips. Ask for what you need and don’t be afraid of what your husband will think. We men need direction. Also ladies, if you can orgasm from masturbation, include your husband in that if nothing else works. Have him touch your back, or kiss your boobs while you masturbate. Even if it seems odd to you, figure out what will work, and move forward from there. Your husband wants to pleasure you, we will work with you to make that happen.
These weren’t all of the comments, but just a random few.
Your Turn
What did you think of the Infographic? Anything interesting in the stats? Anything you want to add? Let us know below, or email us if you are shy.
This was excellent. Unless you have a man that’s selfish and won’t try some of this stuff 🙁
Might be interesting to look at how women’s response has changed over the years, what kind of things helped cause any change, and what point in their life the changes took place. My wife went from being somebody who never had an orgasm (our early years) to somebody who now nearly always has them.
This article might help someone
http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/10/honeymoon-blues-to-over-the-rainbow/
I do find the graphics instructive, especially any kind of chart where the numbers are alongside each other. I makes comparison easier and the numbers become more relational and not so abstract. The colors in the pie chart could be too close in shade at times. It would be nice if the numbers were still present in some fashion. What does a sliver of pie really represent numerically. All in all, the changes make for a more visually interesting and stimulating page to read.
Time is the big element in not only chasing down an orgasm, but in having a quality sexual experience. I have had my wife tell me more than once, “I was afraid I was taking too long and you were getting tired or bored.” REALLY? Did I look or sound bored? Did I yawn or doze off? (Actually I have dropped off momentarily while pleasuring her manually. I felt so relaxed relaxing her I dipped into sleep for a second or two. She noticed my body relaxing. We laughed about it.) I have told her I will do this for as long as you like. I once decided I was going to give her oral for no less than 20 minutes while not trying to get her to orgasm. Just 20+ minutes of total pleasure for the two of us.
It is imperative that the woman focuses on the feelings and is in the moment. No kids, laundry, meals, appointments or other killers of mood and libido. Then admit to what you really want, ask for what you want, and accept it when it is offered. You are loved enough, young enough, clean enough, thin enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, to want it; ask for it; receive it and enjoy it. If you want 15-30 minutes of foreplay, let it be known. Do you want romancing, kissing, massaging, licking, sucking, fondling, fingering, teasing, or dirty talk and rough sex? Choose the game and choose up sides and have at it. If you aren’t sure what you want, sample some things. Communicate what you enjoy and what you don’t and why. A little short-term verbal discomfort will pay off in long-term pleasure. Rip your good girl panties off and get in the game. Don’t wait until you are 50+ to admit something is missing in the bedroom. You can’t get all those opportunities back, and with age some things may no longer be possible or enjoyable.
I really like these thoughts, suggestions, and encouragements. Thank you for sharing!
Love the infographic.
Here’s my experience: relax, communicate, be patient. And don’t be afraid to use a vibrator 🙂
Oh, hey, any chance you could put percentages on the pie slices? It’s very hard to compare them visually when they aren’t in the same order on both sides (the slices aren’t at the same orientation).
Yes! Definitely do not be afraid! It wont hurt you!
But seriously, you have to do it as a team, and each person needs to know the plan.
~e
Guys, Gals, communication is the key here. Guys don’t be put out if she suggests something in bed. A position, speeding up, slowing down, try it from this angle. Gals, for me (and most guys I hope) if there is something that turns you on tell us WE’LL DO IT!! (within reason I’m not gonna run down the street naked or anything).
– Try some cow-girl action (save a horse ride a cowboy). I love this position, not only does the wife get to maneuver things to her liking, I get to watch her expressions and other things. Leaves the hands free to wander also.
– Find her G-spot, stimulate that and her clitoris at the same time. Of course if you’re not into oral sex I would recommend using a toy. Some women take a l-o-n-g time to get there and maybe the hubby doesn’t last that long or arrives first (it happens nothing to be ashamed of, it may only take you 5 min but she may need 15). ED is another reason to think about toys. Take her with you to pick it out. Here we have a store called Pricilla McCall’s, they carry fun stuff games, toys, lingerie, and the nice thing is it’s a clean well lit store with helpful female employees (very small video section, if you’re not looking for it you’ll miss it). And if going to a store seems “taboo” or freaky try a web site. Jay has listed on before so think its ok to mention it here; https://marrieddance.com/.
– Most of all communicate like I said earlier. I like it when my wife tells me if I’m doing something right, or could do something better. But then to me sex is about her and I’m kinda secondary in my mind.