I received this question a couple of days ago through our anonymous Have A Question page and wanted to tackle it quickly as it seemed time sensitive.
In the case of medical necessary, is masturbation and pornography okay?
Backstory: We’re struggling with infertility. I am a recovering porn/masturbation addict. I’m not perfect but I’m trying. When I told my husband about looking at porn he was upset (as he should be). He’s the low drive spouse but he hasn’t looked at porn since we’ve been married.
Now, he’s having to go for a semen analysis. We know that this will include masturbating and probably looking at porn in order to get it done.
Is this an okay use of porn and masturbation or is there something else that should be done? We’ve talked about it and I’m okay with it because I know it needs to be done (and would be a hypocrite if I was upset about it) but my husband isn’t the biggest fan of the idea.Thanks.
So, firstly, I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with infertility. I have a close friend who has the same struggle, and I see only in part how hard it is on him and his wife.
The TV stereotype of semen analysis is to go into a room and they have magazines or porn going, and then a short time later, the man comes out with a cup full of semen. However, it doesn’t need to happen that way. Yes “there is something else that should be done”, at least in my opinion.
You can get a semen sample together, at home
I’ve had to have semen analysis done (or a count rather) after my vasectomy to ensure that it was successful. There was no small room. There were no porn magazines. When I went to the clinic, they handed me a bag with a cup in it and said to bring it back with some pretty specific instructions. Now, I can’t recall exactly what they were, but something along the lines of:
- You can’t orgasm within a certain period of time (a day or three I think) before giving a sample
- You should not contaminate the sample should with either saliva or vaginal lubrication
- You have to bring the sample within a few hours of ejaculation
Now, you can still follow those rules and involve your spouse. In our case, my wife managed to sneak upstairs for a mutual masturbation quickie and we managed to get a sample while all the kids were watching TV downstairs. This fit all their requirements. Plus, we managed to make what could have a been a sterile, disconnected activity and turn getting a semen sample into something that was intimate. It also helped give the feeling that this wasn’t a task I had to accomplish, but rather something we were doing together.
So, no, it doesn’t need to involve porn and solo masturbation. Let’s not take something as beautiful as you wanting to start a family and go through something dark and shameful like using porn and solo masturbation to get there. If you can’t conceive a child through a natural conception, at least you can be together at this stage as you work towards your goal.
Those are my thoughts. Anyone else?