Category Archives: Marriage

Why it's important to talk about sex

Why it’s important to talk about sex

Every once in a while, someone contacts me saying their spouse won’t talk to them about sex.  Sometimes it’s part of a larger issue of not wanting to talk at all, but often every other topic is acceptable, it’s just sex that isn’t. 

Stop telling men to be self-sacrificing

Stop telling men to be self-sacrificing

I’m getting sick and tired of hearing references to Ephesians 5:25.  It seems every time I turn around, some other person, be it a man or a woman, is quoting it.  In case you don’t know it off the top of your head.

Do you believe you are lovable?

I think many of us struggle with the belief that we are lovable. We generally think that, as we are, we’re really not worthy of love.  I think this feeling of a sense of worth is often compounded in Christians due an imbalance

Are you giving to get?

Are you giving to get?

One of the biggest problems with relationships are covert contracts. Covert contracts are basically an agreement you have in your mind that if you do something, you’ll get something back in return. Typically you fool yourself into believing everyone understands the contract, but

Are you initiating conversations for the wrong reasons?

Are you initiating conversations for the wrong reasons?

Why do you initiate conversations in your marriage?  Chances are they’re for the wrong reasons.  I know mine were for years.  Still are half the time to be honest. I’m not talking about the “Who is going to pick up the kids” conversations.

Talking about sex - survey results

Talking about sex survey results

Probably the number one piece of advice I hand out to people is “talk to your spouse about it”.  It’s amazing how often that simple answer makes huge changes in marriage. But, I wanted to know how much of a difference talking about

Sex drive differences aren't the problem

Sex drive differences aren’t the problem

Most couples face a conflict in terms of mismatched sex drives. The majority in fact, my marriage included.  This leads some people to believe that their sex drive, or the sex drive of their spouse, is the issue.  But it’s not.  It’s just

Why do we keep having the same argument?

Why do we keep having the same argument?

Do you ever feel like you just keep having the same argument, discussion or conflict over and over again? Perhaps it comes up every week, every month, or every year.  It might just be something small and seemingly insignificant, or it might be

Are you willing to risk sex to gain intimacy-

Are you willing to risk sex to gain intimacy?

Friday night is typically sex night for us.  It’s not guaranteed, but it’s something we look forward to. You know, kick off Sabbath with some rest from the world and enjoy each other’s safeness, if that makes sense. Last night it didn’t happen

Never use absolute accusations

Never use absolute accusations

Most, if not all of you, have been in a conversation where you or your spouse start a sentence with either “You never … ” or You always …”.  These absolute accusations should never be used in conflict and here’s why: 1. It’s not