Monthly Archives: August 2016

Silence means everything is okay

I can’t tell you how many couples don’t talk when things are bad.  They just keep silent expecting … I don’t know what.  I guess they expect that their spouse will get the hint and change.  The problem is that sometimes the issue isn’t the

The dual control model – Why you sometimes can’t get in the mood for sex

Alright, today we’re going to talk a bit about the dual control model of sexual arousal.  I think people probably know this inherently, but sometimes it’s good to put things on paper, as it were, to make them clear. So, the dual control model of

Desire vs. willingness

Yesterday I promised I’d write a post on desire vs. willingness, because, again, this is a topic I’ve mentioned many times, but never devoted a post to.  Our society teaches us that we shouldn’t have sex unless we desire it.  In movies, both of the

Responsive vs spontaneous desire

Yesterday I wrote about arousal non-concordance and how sometimes our body’s arousal doesn’t match up with our mind’s arousal.  How it can be that your mind might want sex, but your body isn’t ready.  Or the opposite can happen.  Unfortunately, this confuses a lot of women

Arousal non-concordance

I heard a new term this week and I’m really excited about it, because it’s a concept I’ve known about for a long time, but I’ve not seen many people write about it.  I also didn’t know what to call it.  I like having labels,

Is masturbation for medical reasons okay?

I received this question a couple of days ago through our anonymous Have A Question page and wanted to tackle it quickly as it seemed time sensitive. In the case of medical necessary, is masturbation and pornography okay? Backstory: We’re struggling with infertility. I am

Don’t tease unless you’re willing to follow through soon

I received this question last month through our anonymous Have A Question page: I feel like my wife is teasing me sexually. I more days that not, in fact I’d say 5 or 6 days a week she does things that arouse me. I don’t

How can I stop gushing?

Here’s a question I received about a week ago through our anonymous Have A Question page: I’ve been married almost two years and have never experienced an orgasm. However, recently, with a lot of work especially on my husband’s part and a long time of

Did I marry the wrong person

Did I marry the wrong person?

I get a lot of emails from people wondering if they married the wrong person.  Generally it’s because they’re unhappy in their marriage and feel like it would be better/easier with a different spouse.  Sometimes it’s because they feel they got married for the wrong

Getting over an affair

I received this question a couple of days ago in from our anonymous Have A Question page about recovering from an old affair: I found out about my husband’s affair 3 years ago. The affair happened @ 12 years ago and he kept it from

Have you really forgiven your spouse for the past?

I received an anonymous question last night through our Have A Question page.  The questions is quite long, but bear with me: “Because of a disparity in our early sexual histories, I have an on-going problem, feeling that I married my wife after everyone else